I'm so glad that I'll be yours when it happens.
<3
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Homecoming
So i've decided this weekend is going to be fantastic. Juss sayin.
And loook at my flyyy outfit.
And loook at my flyyy outfit.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
FUCK YOU
GOD FUCKING DAMN. WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU THOUGHT WAS A GOOD IDEA. GROW THE FUCK UP. YOU CREATED THIS. NOW MAN UP. FUCK.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Divorce.
My mom is talking on the phone to my dad about money. And divorce. And she's really angry... I'm going to have to spend like an hour cheering her up. Maybe a disney movie.
The only people that flirt with me are either:
Straight.
Confused.
Freshman.
Or living 1234567 miles away from me.
Its really frustrating. Like a lot.
This weekend was really good actually... considering everything. I had a blast with Clara and Sammy on friday and I got some hella rad shades :D
Yeah, you're jealous.
And Ryan and John slept over on saturday... I love those kids.
I can't wait till Ryan moves in. That's going to be fun.
Lion Kinggg was so goodd in 3D. So so good.
I hope my paper for Rappa is okay. I mean I need at least a B.
The only people that flirt with me are either:
Straight.
Confused.
Freshman.
Or living 1234567 miles away from me.
Its really frustrating. Like a lot.
This weekend was really good actually... considering everything. I had a blast with Clara and Sammy on friday and I got some hella rad shades :D
Yeah, you're jealous.
And Ryan and John slept over on saturday... I love those kids.
I can't wait till Ryan moves in. That's going to be fun.
Lion Kinggg was so goodd in 3D. So so good.
I hope my paper for Rappa is okay. I mean I need at least a B.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I am so glad I found this.
Senior Pictures.
July 29, 2011 at 13:34 · Filed under life and tagged: daughter, graduation, lgbtq, life, memories
Today is a bit sad for me. My oldest is going for her senior picture today. I know that all parents say that it goes by so fast and it’s an amazing journey, but, seriously this was/is.
My daughter is probably the strongest, most generous person that I’ve ever known. She “came out” in her freshman year and I witnessed a combination of the worst of our society and the best of it. To this day I am still disgusted at how cruel people can be when things don’t “fit” into their vision. I saw people who had welcomed her in their home for years all of sudden cast her out as if she had a disease that might spread to their family. And on the flip side I witnessed some of the most beautiful moments of acceptance and love. But, for the most part, the first two years of HS for my daughter were the most difficult of both of our lives.
As a parent you want to protect your children from everything. You only want them to be happy, joyous, filled with laughter. And then, you realize that you can’t control any of it. As a mother, it can be a very difficult thing to accept. As a mother of a gay teenager, it is excruciating.
Those who get to know my daughter quickly realize that she is truly one of the most compassionate people on the planet. She really does just want to “fix the world” so that we can all get along. I’m proud to say that she gets that from me. But, she puts me to shame. She wants to please, hates to see people in pain, and truly feels the emotions of it all. She will protect her friends, stick up for her enemies and through it all not think about herself for one single second.
And then, she will feel the pain of it all. The anguish. The emptiness. The realization that this world will never truly accept her. That there will always be somebody, something, that will make her feel “less”. And it will crush her. And then it destroys me. The despair, the helplessness, the torment.
She wears her heart on her sleeve and bleeds for the pain of it. I am the opposite I think. I feel the pain, the anguish, the emotions, very intensely but then I put them away and find the next beautiful, amazing thing that brings me laughter and joy. I am a glass half full person. I notice the way the sky looks gorgeous today, the tiny little creature that has decided to find a home on the window sill and the way the wind is rolling through the trees. I would give it all up, every ounce of it, if I could take the pain that echos in her eyes.
For the last 17 years I have encouraged her to embrace the differences in the world, including her own, to celebrate it. And while I know that she will always internalize, always mourn the pain that found its way into the depth of her soul and flashes anew when yet another person judges or rejects her, I also know that she will come back from it. She will use it and it will make her stronger. It won’t take a piece of her like it used to do.
The greatest artists “feel” through their works and she is already doing that. She wants to be a film director. And in today’s world of digital everything, she wants to learn the art of it. No two year technical school that teaches mechanics will see her name on an application. It’s not enough. It’s not the true form of movie making. She is a storyteller.
She has been one since birth. I still remember her sitting on the floor of her room at 3 years old. “Characters” all around her “acting out” the next big movie in her head. No limitations, just imagination.
And now, that imagination is fueled with painful emotions. Last year one of her school projects hit close to home. I had to look away the first time I watched it through. The emotion was too raw, too recent and too close to my worst fears.
*Rumors kill was embedded here*
Thankfully, that time in her life is over. She came out on the other side of it all a stronger, happier person. I know that she still goes there sometimes, that people still make her feel horrible and that she still wants to fix the world.
But, the difference now is that she actually believes that she can do it. As a parent, you can’t ask for anything more than that. I always believed.
And that is just one small snapshot view. There were so many happy, joyous memories. She loves to laugh, loves animals, music, playing guitar, video games, blogging, travel and like her mom is very much addicted to TV/Film. I am truly blessed to have such a great relationship with her and will treasure this last year of school.
So, this day is bittersweet for me. My beautiful girl has one more year at home and I can’t help but miss her already.
I love you Joc and I will always be PROUD of you, always believe in you and always I will try to protect you. I hope you have the most amazing senior year.
I love you so much mom and you have no idea what this meant to me.
July 29, 2011 at 13:34 · Filed under life and tagged: daughter, graduation, lgbtq, life, memories
Today is a bit sad for me. My oldest is going for her senior picture today. I know that all parents say that it goes by so fast and it’s an amazing journey, but, seriously this was/is.
My daughter is probably the strongest, most generous person that I’ve ever known. She “came out” in her freshman year and I witnessed a combination of the worst of our society and the best of it. To this day I am still disgusted at how cruel people can be when things don’t “fit” into their vision. I saw people who had welcomed her in their home for years all of sudden cast her out as if she had a disease that might spread to their family. And on the flip side I witnessed some of the most beautiful moments of acceptance and love. But, for the most part, the first two years of HS for my daughter were the most difficult of both of our lives.
As a parent you want to protect your children from everything. You only want them to be happy, joyous, filled with laughter. And then, you realize that you can’t control any of it. As a mother, it can be a very difficult thing to accept. As a mother of a gay teenager, it is excruciating.
Those who get to know my daughter quickly realize that she is truly one of the most compassionate people on the planet. She really does just want to “fix the world” so that we can all get along. I’m proud to say that she gets that from me. But, she puts me to shame. She wants to please, hates to see people in pain, and truly feels the emotions of it all. She will protect her friends, stick up for her enemies and through it all not think about herself for one single second.
And then, she will feel the pain of it all. The anguish. The emptiness. The realization that this world will never truly accept her. That there will always be somebody, something, that will make her feel “less”. And it will crush her. And then it destroys me. The despair, the helplessness, the torment.
She wears her heart on her sleeve and bleeds for the pain of it. I am the opposite I think. I feel the pain, the anguish, the emotions, very intensely but then I put them away and find the next beautiful, amazing thing that brings me laughter and joy. I am a glass half full person. I notice the way the sky looks gorgeous today, the tiny little creature that has decided to find a home on the window sill and the way the wind is rolling through the trees. I would give it all up, every ounce of it, if I could take the pain that echos in her eyes.
For the last 17 years I have encouraged her to embrace the differences in the world, including her own, to celebrate it. And while I know that she will always internalize, always mourn the pain that found its way into the depth of her soul and flashes anew when yet another person judges or rejects her, I also know that she will come back from it. She will use it and it will make her stronger. It won’t take a piece of her like it used to do.
The greatest artists “feel” through their works and she is already doing that. She wants to be a film director. And in today’s world of digital everything, she wants to learn the art of it. No two year technical school that teaches mechanics will see her name on an application. It’s not enough. It’s not the true form of movie making. She is a storyteller.
She has been one since birth. I still remember her sitting on the floor of her room at 3 years old. “Characters” all around her “acting out” the next big movie in her head. No limitations, just imagination.
And now, that imagination is fueled with painful emotions. Last year one of her school projects hit close to home. I had to look away the first time I watched it through. The emotion was too raw, too recent and too close to my worst fears.
*Rumors kill was embedded here*
Thankfully, that time in her life is over. She came out on the other side of it all a stronger, happier person. I know that she still goes there sometimes, that people still make her feel horrible and that she still wants to fix the world.
But, the difference now is that she actually believes that she can do it. As a parent, you can’t ask for anything more than that. I always believed.
And that is just one small snapshot view. There were so many happy, joyous memories. She loves to laugh, loves animals, music, playing guitar, video games, blogging, travel and like her mom is very much addicted to TV/Film. I am truly blessed to have such a great relationship with her and will treasure this last year of school.
So, this day is bittersweet for me. My beautiful girl has one more year at home and I can’t help but miss her already.
I love you Joc and I will always be PROUD of you, always believe in you and always I will try to protect you. I hope you have the most amazing senior year.
I love you so much mom and you have no idea what this meant to me.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
I just always thought
my parents would be the ones that stay together.
I love you daddy. And i miss seeing you every day.
Family means so much to me... I thought ours was perfect. Now we're never going to have this again.
I love you daddy. And i miss seeing you every day.
Family means so much to me... I thought ours was perfect. Now we're never going to have this again.
Too lazy to think of a title.
Sicksicksicksick. Meh.
Clara's party was hella rad.
Fucking hilarious prank calls.
Super cuddle sesh.
Gleeeeeeee.
Sitting in the square at like 4 am.
Sex hair.
Truth or truth because no one ever fucking picks dare.
What's sleep?
Pride t-shirts.
CARLAAAA.
Can everyone stop flirting with Sammy for like 5 seconds?
"This bromance just got bromantic"
Clara's party was hella rad.
Fucking hilarious prank calls.
Super cuddle sesh.
Gleeeeeeee.
Sitting in the square at like 4 am.
Sex hair.
Truth or truth because no one ever fucking picks dare.
What's sleep?
Pride t-shirts.
CARLAAAA.
Can everyone stop flirting with Sammy for like 5 seconds?
"This bromance just got bromantic"
Friday, September 2, 2011
That feeling you get
when a bunch of people follow you after you post a really attractive picture.
Ohmygodifeelsoawesomerightnow.
Ohmygodifeelsoawesomerightnow.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Done.
Jocelyn Brearley
Okay. I feel like I need to get it all out in the open. I feel like we should talk about it. Even if its just you telling me that there's nothing there. So here goes nothing.
I like you. Too much for my own good. And most of the time it feels like you're right there with me. Leaning against me at bbc and making bets about kissing me. You get all cute about things that make me forget that we aren't actually dating. Like when i wore your chef coat and you got all super smiley and told me that i looked good in it. It was like the cutest thing ever.
So. I need you to tell me that there isnt anything there. That I'm making it all up in my head. Unless I'm not.
And I don't wanna fuck up our friendship with this. But I care about you too much to not try. You know?
Is any of this making sense?
Kayla L Kindred
yah it is hard watching that, it is making sense, you are like my best friend and to an extent i was trying to get your mind off of Ana, but then i realised last night that that is never going to happen with her texting you, i promised myself when you left that i would stop doing that to you because it is not fair, your not making it up, you did look cute in my chef coat, i cant help flirting and acting cute, its what i do, and who i am... i wish it wasn't, and i also dont wanna ruin out friendship over it.
like i said above, it makes sense, and i am sorry, i too care about you, and i do hope you feel better.
Jocelyn Brearley
I'm over Ana. She'll always mean a lot to me. But I'm not in love with her anymore. I get that you can't help it.. I mean I flirt too... but its just been like on overdrive with us lately you know?
Kayla L Kindred
yah, i am toning it down... i feel so bad for doing that to you though
Jocelyn Brearley
Its not like i wasn't doing it too. I have a problem with falling for my friends. Don't feel bad. Its my fault not yours.
Kayla L Kindred
alright. did you know that the mtv music awards are on tonight
Okay. I feel like I need to get it all out in the open. I feel like we should talk about it. Even if its just you telling me that there's nothing there. So here goes nothing.
I like you. Too much for my own good. And most of the time it feels like you're right there with me. Leaning against me at bbc and making bets about kissing me. You get all cute about things that make me forget that we aren't actually dating. Like when i wore your chef coat and you got all super smiley and told me that i looked good in it. It was like the cutest thing ever.
So. I need you to tell me that there isnt anything there. That I'm making it all up in my head. Unless I'm not.
And I don't wanna fuck up our friendship with this. But I care about you too much to not try. You know?
Is any of this making sense?
Kayla L Kindred
yah it is hard watching that, it is making sense, you are like my best friend and to an extent i was trying to get your mind off of Ana, but then i realised last night that that is never going to happen with her texting you, i promised myself when you left that i would stop doing that to you because it is not fair, your not making it up, you did look cute in my chef coat, i cant help flirting and acting cute, its what i do, and who i am... i wish it wasn't, and i also dont wanna ruin out friendship over it.
like i said above, it makes sense, and i am sorry, i too care about you, and i do hope you feel better.
Jocelyn Brearley
I'm over Ana. She'll always mean a lot to me. But I'm not in love with her anymore. I get that you can't help it.. I mean I flirt too... but its just been like on overdrive with us lately you know?
Kayla L Kindred
yah, i am toning it down... i feel so bad for doing that to you though
Jocelyn Brearley
Its not like i wasn't doing it too. I have a problem with falling for my friends. Don't feel bad. Its my fault not yours.
Kayla L Kindred
alright. did you know that the mtv music awards are on tonight
I can't post about the thing thats actually on my mind so I'll talk about this one instead.
It used to be just because it was fun, cause you were cute and I wanted to see if i could get you to make out with me. But now... I can't stop thinking about you.
You know that I'm falling. I told you. Your move.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
This shit is getting bad.
Kayla L Kindred
haha, do it!!! lol, i am going to bed though, i have til seventh to do that packet. night night boo bear!! :)
sweet dreams
♥
Jocelyn Brearley
jealousss i have till firsttt. Nighty night babygirllllllll :) sweet dreams ♥
haha, do it!!! lol, i am going to bed though, i have til seventh to do that packet. night night boo bear!! :)
sweet dreams
♥
Jocelyn Brearley
jealousss i have till firsttt. Nighty night babygirllllllll :) sweet dreams ♥
Her
This is turning into a full blown crush. Like quickly.
Just when I think that I have no chance you do something that makes me forget we aren't already dating.
You. were. so. damn. cute. today.
Kissing my finger and whatnot. With that shy smile.
But I know that I shouldn't let myself crush this hard. I know that nothing is going to happen. Grahhh. I just can't help it.
asdfghjkl;
Just when I think that I have no chance you do something that makes me forget we aren't already dating.
You. were. so. damn. cute. today.
Kissing my finger and whatnot. With that shy smile.
But I know that I shouldn't let myself crush this hard. I know that nothing is going to happen. Grahhh. I just can't help it.
asdfghjkl;
Friday, August 19, 2011
I have a problem
With crushing on my friends.
But I mean all she does is give me mixed signalssssss.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
"You would make a cute lion"
You are so confusing.
You were super flirty last night. Like... more than you ever have been... minus like that one week when you admitted you were into me. But yeah. You were completely aware of how bad you were turning me on. I could see it all over your face.
And sometimes you would slip up and call me cute and then change the subject really fast.
You only go so far. Once shit starts getting real you always remember to drop in a comment about a hot guy or something.
You know that I can't help but flirt back. Especially when you act so fucking cute when I do.
Betting me a kiss was turning it up a notch though. Even though we both know that I won't win. You paused before you said it. Making the decision to go there. Making sure I knew that if it happened you'd go through with it.
You're a tease.
And super cute.. especially late at night when its just us and your voice gets all sleepy.
And even though I know that the chances of you ever actually doing anything are nonexistent, I'll keep hitting on you.
Just because its fun. And a challenge. And I'd hate to just give up and let you win ;)
You were super flirty last night. Like... more than you ever have been... minus like that one week when you admitted you were into me. But yeah. You were completely aware of how bad you were turning me on. I could see it all over your face.
And sometimes you would slip up and call me cute and then change the subject really fast.
You only go so far. Once shit starts getting real you always remember to drop in a comment about a hot guy or something.
You know that I can't help but flirt back. Especially when you act so fucking cute when I do.
Betting me a kiss was turning it up a notch though. Even though we both know that I won't win. You paused before you said it. Making the decision to go there. Making sure I knew that if it happened you'd go through with it.
You're a tease.
And super cute.. especially late at night when its just us and your voice gets all sleepy.
And even though I know that the chances of you ever actually doing anything are nonexistent, I'll keep hitting on you.
Just because its fun. And a challenge. And I'd hate to just give up and let you win ;)
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Love,
But are you doing it just because it's easier?
Because there's something really wrong with that.
But maybe you're not. Maybe it was just a phase... maybe I was just a phase. I find that hard to believe. How you can just turn it off like that? It makes it hard to believe that you meant anything you ever told me.
I'm all for it if it is honestly what makes you happy.
I'm happy for you. That everything is going to be easier for you. That you won't have to be ashamed of it.. or hide it or get shit from anyone. I'd kill for that. And if you have that.. really have that and are not just doing it cause it's easier... I'm incredibly happy for you.
Just please... don't do it for the wrong reason. It will catch up with you if you are... and you'll be miserable.
I've told you a million times.
Live your life for you.
You'll always be my first, I'll always love you, and we'll always have something special. But I know that I'll be okay without you.
I hope that you find a way to be happy.
Because there's something really wrong with that.
But maybe you're not. Maybe it was just a phase... maybe I was just a phase. I find that hard to believe. How you can just turn it off like that? It makes it hard to believe that you meant anything you ever told me.
I'm all for it if it is honestly what makes you happy.
I'm happy for you. That everything is going to be easier for you. That you won't have to be ashamed of it.. or hide it or get shit from anyone. I'd kill for that. And if you have that.. really have that and are not just doing it cause it's easier... I'm incredibly happy for you.
Just please... don't do it for the wrong reason. It will catch up with you if you are... and you'll be miserable.
I've told you a million times.
Live your life for you.
You'll always be my first, I'll always love you, and we'll always have something special. But I know that I'll be okay without you.
I hope that you find a way to be happy.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
3:57 AM
My head hurts so bad. I feel like I'm going to puke from the pain. My mind wont stop racing. I can feel the anxiety coming on in unbearable amounts. I don't know who to call. I need you to calm me down. I know you have to get up in the morning... in a few hours really... and I know I'm not your problem anymore. So I wont call you. I don't have anyone to call instead. You are the only person who knows me through and through. My chest feels like its going to collapse and I swear my head is going to explode.
I finished reading Deathly Hallows tonight... I couldn't help but cry during the prince's tale yet again. It's much more vivid now that I've seen it in movie form. Felt Snape's love for Lilly. I don't even care that it is fucking fictional. He loved her his whole fucking life. Even though she didn't love him. He died for that love.
God I love you. I keep trying and trying to turn it off. I know that you don't love me. I know that you are better off now and happier. I just wish my heart would realize that. I can't make it listen to me. I don't know what to do without you. I love you with every part of me. I have since I was 12. I feel like I'm going to puke.
I hate this fucking anxiety.
Make it stop.
Please. God.
I finished reading Deathly Hallows tonight... I couldn't help but cry during the prince's tale yet again. It's much more vivid now that I've seen it in movie form. Felt Snape's love for Lilly. I don't even care that it is fucking fictional. He loved her his whole fucking life. Even though she didn't love him. He died for that love.
God I love you. I keep trying and trying to turn it off. I know that you don't love me. I know that you are better off now and happier. I just wish my heart would realize that. I can't make it listen to me. I don't know what to do without you. I love you with every part of me. I have since I was 12. I feel like I'm going to puke.
I hate this fucking anxiety.
Make it stop.
Please. God.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Mark
It feel so damn good to finally be working on something. I really need this project to turn out well. Getting into college is kinda important. I can see myself at UCF... and honestly a Florida school makes the most sense. SO. I need this project to get me into UCF film. That would be fucking fantastic. I just bought a bottle of fake blood a dartboard and like 10 toothbrushes... haha.
I'm reading Deathly Hallows again before I go see it another time. I really should be reading Lord of the Rings instead but oh well.
GodIreallywantthisshorttoturnoutgoodenough.
I'm reading Deathly Hallows again before I go see it another time. I really should be reading Lord of the Rings instead but oh well.
GodIreallywantthisshorttoturnoutgoodenough.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Not harsh.
Repetitive.
I just wish that I could do everything you're doing. I need some rebound relationships/hookups... that'd be good.
I just wish that I could do everything you're doing. I need some rebound relationships/hookups... that'd be good.
Friday, July 8, 2011
It is so much more than a story
This story is more than just a craze. It’s more than just a popular movie. This story changed lives. I grew up with the characters. I felt their pain and cried for their deaths. This story helped shaped me into who I am.
I learned that I can’t make it alone, and don’t have to from Harry. I understood what he was feeling when he wanted to just do it all on his own and save everyone else the hurt. And when Hermionie and Ron wouldn’t let him I felt his relief mixed with the guilt. They taught me that it was okay. That it was okay to let other people in, to let other people help.
The Weasleys showed me how important family is. That they are the people that matter most and that in the end you owe them everything. The bond that they all share is unbreakable and reading about it and watching it come to life on screen made me so so great-full for the people in my life.
This story is all about love. In all its forms. The importance of it and what it can do. Its purity. Its beauty.
Its about people. Friendship. Trust.
This story did so much for me. I cannot express how much thanks and gratitude I have for everyone involved. For J.K Rowling.
Hogwarts will always feel like home.
“Albus Severus,” Harry said quietly, so that nobody but Ginny could hear, and she was tactful enough to pretend to be waving to Rose, who was now on the train, “you were named for two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew.”
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)
I learned that I can’t make it alone, and don’t have to from Harry. I understood what he was feeling when he wanted to just do it all on his own and save everyone else the hurt. And when Hermionie and Ron wouldn’t let him I felt his relief mixed with the guilt. They taught me that it was okay. That it was okay to let other people in, to let other people help.
The Weasleys showed me how important family is. That they are the people that matter most and that in the end you owe them everything. The bond that they all share is unbreakable and reading about it and watching it come to life on screen made me so so great-full for the people in my life.
This story is all about love. In all its forms. The importance of it and what it can do. Its purity. Its beauty.
Its about people. Friendship. Trust.
This story did so much for me. I cannot express how much thanks and gratitude I have for everyone involved. For J.K Rowling.
Hogwarts will always feel like home.
“Albus Severus,” Harry said quietly, so that nobody but Ginny could hear, and she was tactful enough to pretend to be waving to Rose, who was now on the train, “you were named for two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew.”
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)
Friday, July 1, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
I'm really proud of him
For putting everything he has into this sport.And finally letting the rest of the world see how great he is.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Melt down over
I am okay.
I am okay with this.
I am getting over you.
I am going to be happy in the morning.
I am okay with this.
I am getting over you.
I am going to be happy in the morning.
I am insane.
Isn't it fucking insane that I still wake up and forget.
Or wake up and feel in my heart that we'll still end up together.
Its nuts.
I'm supposed to be getting over you. But I can't make the fucking feelings go away.
I still feel like I know that we belong together.
I still feel like I'm supposed to be yours forever.
Its fucking insane. I NEED TO GET IT THROUGH MY HEAD THAT WE'RE DONE. And I can't.
I don't know how.
Maybe more time will help.
I really need to shut up about it now.
Or wake up and feel in my heart that we'll still end up together.
Its nuts.
I'm supposed to be getting over you. But I can't make the fucking feelings go away.
I still feel like I know that we belong together.
I still feel like I'm supposed to be yours forever.
Its fucking insane. I NEED TO GET IT THROUGH MY HEAD THAT WE'RE DONE. And I can't.
I don't know how.
Maybe more time will help.
I really need to shut up about it now.
Lonely.
How many times did we talking about making it to senior year. How many times did we say that things were going to get better. I remember laying next to you and telling you that we were going to make it. Going to get there. And that we were going to get there together. I was so confident. I don't know why I let myself believe it all so whole-heartedly. Its stupid. I knew that we were only 14 when all of this started. Why should any of it have lasted. I knew that. I fucking knew that. Why did I let myself believe it.
I asked you that that night so that you would reassure me. Tell me that you wanted to be with me. I keep replaying it in my mind. Trying to figure out what I could have done differently to make this work.
I loved you. Still love you. More than I ever thought anyone was capable of loving anything. Anyone.
I just... don't know how I'm going to be able to find that with someone else. When all I want is you.
And I know that you don't want me anymore. Don't love me like that anymore. I just wish my heart would realize that.
I don't have anyone to text in the middle of the night... I don't have anyone to listen to me cry and tell me everything will be okay.
I just feel so alone. All of the time.
It's the worst feeling in the world.
But I still wouldn't take back a thing. If I have to feel like this forfuckingever Its worth it for what we had.
I miss you. And I hope you're having a blast.
I asked you that that night so that you would reassure me. Tell me that you wanted to be with me. I keep replaying it in my mind. Trying to figure out what I could have done differently to make this work.
I loved you. Still love you. More than I ever thought anyone was capable of loving anything. Anyone.
I just... don't know how I'm going to be able to find that with someone else. When all I want is you.
And I know that you don't want me anymore. Don't love me like that anymore. I just wish my heart would realize that.
I don't have anyone to text in the middle of the night... I don't have anyone to listen to me cry and tell me everything will be okay.
I just feel so alone. All of the time.
It's the worst feeling in the world.
But I still wouldn't take back a thing. If I have to feel like this forfuckingever Its worth it for what we had.
I miss you. And I hope you're having a blast.
Monday, June 13, 2011
That was a lot to fucking handle
This is all a lot to fucking handle.
I hatehatehatehate this.
And I'm so fucking jealous of that boy.
He got what I waited years for and didn't get.
But honestly i could care less about the fucking sex. Or not sex. Or whatever. I just want YOU back. I want to feel your arms around me. I want you to kiss me soft and tell me everything is going to be okay. I want to be able to tell you that I love you before I go to sleep and know that it means what I want it to mean.
I thought you were going to snap out of it and everything would be okay.
I thought you were my forever.
I know that I'm not supposed to care anymore. That I'm supposed to be over all of this. That I'm supposed to be happy for you when you go down on hot guys or whatever. I'm really trying. I promise I'm trying so fucking hard to make the feelings go away.
Don't worry about it okay? At all. I know you. Don't worry about me. Please?
I hatehatehatehate this.
And I'm so fucking jealous of that boy.
He got what I waited years for and didn't get.
But honestly i could care less about the fucking sex. Or not sex. Or whatever. I just want YOU back. I want to feel your arms around me. I want you to kiss me soft and tell me everything is going to be okay. I want to be able to tell you that I love you before I go to sleep and know that it means what I want it to mean.
I thought you were going to snap out of it and everything would be okay.
I thought you were my forever.
I know that I'm not supposed to care anymore. That I'm supposed to be over all of this. That I'm supposed to be happy for you when you go down on hot guys or whatever. I'm really trying. I promise I'm trying so fucking hard to make the feelings go away.
Don't worry about it okay? At all. I know you. Don't worry about me. Please?
Sunday, June 12, 2011
I knew it
was gunna happen... I just thought that it'd last a little longer.
Distraction over.
Awesome.
You should've just told me no at the beginning.. why'd you lead me on? You seemed so into it when we hung out. Whatever.
I still can't believe it. It's like you turned into a completely different person. All of it... it's just so un-you. I don't know. Maybe I just don't know you as well as I thought I did.
And that's just gross by the way.
I can't get the image out of my head.
I just... I always thought... that'd it be us.
Today sucks.
Distraction over.
Awesome.
You should've just told me no at the beginning.. why'd you lead me on? You seemed so into it when we hung out. Whatever.
I still can't believe it. It's like you turned into a completely different person. All of it... it's just so un-you. I don't know. Maybe I just don't know you as well as I thought I did.
And that's just gross by the way.
I can't get the image out of my head.
I just... I always thought... that'd it be us.
Today sucks.
Twilight Zone
I'm glad you had such a good time. That's totally not what I was expecting... but I'm really glad you had fun :)
I miss you like crazy and I think you should could home nowww. But that's okay... I hope you have a good time at UF too.
You need to get ungrounded right now! I haven't seen you in so long. It's not okay.
I miss youu and you've been gone one day. I hope that you have a good time... and that when you get back and we go out everything will work out.
I like my piercings a lot... even though they totally hurt more than I was expecting. But i think they're rad... and I've been wanting them for a while. So it feels awesome to finally have them.
I miss you like crazy and I think you should could home nowww. But that's okay... I hope you have a good time at UF too.
You need to get ungrounded right now! I haven't seen you in so long. It's not okay.
I miss youu and you've been gone one day. I hope that you have a good time... and that when you get back and we go out everything will work out.
I like my piercings a lot... even though they totally hurt more than I was expecting. But i think they're rad... and I've been wanting them for a while. So it feels awesome to finally have them.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Dear,
I'm really worried about you. I hope you can have some fun this week... I really do. I hope that it isnt as bad as you think its going to be and that maybe just for a second you can get your mind off of everything that you hate and just enjoy a moment. I wish I could give that to you. I wish I could give you the whole world. You deserve it, you deserve happiness, you deserve to be free of all this pain and hate. I wish I could give all of that to you. I hope that you can find it some day. I'm really sad that we didn't get to say goodbye. I really wanted to. Kinda more than anything. I have no idea how I'm going to go like the whole summer without seeing you. I miss you every day. Love you. Goodnight.
You're good for me right now. I can forget about everything when I'm with you and just enjoy the moment.. just be there with you. I have a good feeling about this. But even if it doesn't turn into anything or I kiss you once and you freak out and run back to boys, I want you in my life. You make me smile, and I love that I can just have fun and flirt and goof off and there isnt any commitment or anything. Maybe there will be... maybe we'll get together at some point.. but for now this is good. Really good.
You're good for me right now. I can forget about everything when I'm with you and just enjoy the moment.. just be there with you. I have a good feeling about this. But even if it doesn't turn into anything or I kiss you once and you freak out and run back to boys, I want you in my life. You make me smile, and I love that I can just have fun and flirt and goof off and there isnt any commitment or anything. Maybe there will be... maybe we'll get together at some point.. but for now this is good. Really good.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
One more day
Please don't even think about sleeping with him, he's just going to treat you like shit.
Just saying.
But I guess it isn't my business anymore.
So do what you want.
I just want some fun okay? Can I have a good summer without any insane stress nonsense? Please?
And maybe all the distance will help me get over you. I'm gunna miss you like crazy, but maybe it'l help some.
Just saying.
But I guess it isn't my business anymore.
So do what you want.
I just want some fun okay? Can I have a good summer without any insane stress nonsense? Please?
And maybe all the distance will help me get over you. I'm gunna miss you like crazy, but maybe it'l help some.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Its the 17th
All I can think about is you and all you can think about is him.
Yeah it stings... it hurts like a bitch actually.
And there isn't anything either of us can do about it.
I just have to figure out to fucking stop.
I need to rip my heart out of my chest, I can't take much more of this.
Please. I'm begging you. Someone make this fucking pain stop.
I know that I act like everything is okay... with me and with us and everything. Laugh and smile and joke with you.
I still feel so so happy just when I'm around you. And then you say something or do something... or i forget for a second that we're not us anymore. Or look at the clock at 10:17 every fucking time. Or find a random doodle or hear a song. Its constant. I can't escape it.
And the crazy part is, you're the only that can ease the pain a little bit. Its insane. And im sick. And I don't know what to fucking do.
Iloveyousomuch.
Imissyousomuch.
Ican'tdothis.
Killmenow.
Yeah it stings... it hurts like a bitch actually.
And there isn't anything either of us can do about it.
I just have to figure out to fucking stop.
I need to rip my heart out of my chest, I can't take much more of this.
Please. I'm begging you. Someone make this fucking pain stop.
I know that I act like everything is okay... with me and with us and everything. Laugh and smile and joke with you.
I still feel so so happy just when I'm around you. And then you say something or do something... or i forget for a second that we're not us anymore. Or look at the clock at 10:17 every fucking time. Or find a random doodle or hear a song. Its constant. I can't escape it.
And the crazy part is, you're the only that can ease the pain a little bit. Its insane. And im sick. And I don't know what to fucking do.
Iloveyousomuch.
Imissyousomuch.
Ican'tdothis.
Killmenow.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Weekend
Overall pretty good. I got some much need Ryan time and Friday night was just really fun.
Good:
Getting home at like 2 am
Fast Five was even better the second time
Portalportalportal
Bro love
sleeeeppp
Harry Potter
Amazing company
I was never alone... well mostly
John and Ryan and Kayla I love you guys. For real.
Bad:
Instead of my stomach getting all butterfly-y when Kayla slept on my shoulder I had to concentrate so I didnt break down from wondering if we'l ever do that again.
Good:
Getting home at like 2 am
Fast Five was even better the second time
Portalportalportal
Bro love
sleeeeppp
Harry Potter
Amazing company
I was never alone... well mostly
John and Ryan and Kayla I love you guys. For real.
Bad:
Instead of my stomach getting all butterfly-y when Kayla slept on my shoulder I had to concentrate so I didnt break down from wondering if we'l ever do that again.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
You'd think
that it would have gotten easier by now.
I mean its been like two months right?
How am I ever going to be able to turn these feelings off.
I mean its been like two months right?
How am I ever going to be able to turn these feelings off.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Old facebook messages
almost as good as cutting.
Ana: I miss you too baby.
tearstearstearsheartbreakimissyouineedyouimsorryiwasntgoodenough
Ana: I miss you too baby.
tearstearstearsheartbreakimissyouineedyouimsorryiwasntgoodenough
Yeah.
I wish all of this would just go away. Can we go back to when I felt like everything was gunna be okay. When I believed with all of my heart that you would always be there. That we would always be us and that you would love me forever. Can we go back to when cute mis-shapen hearts on my face would make my entire day. Can we go back. I miss you. I miss us. AND I NEED TO GET OVER IT.
This is bad. I'm just going to get hurt again... I know that nothing is going to happen. Or I keep trying to tell myself that. You say things like Clara said that me n you are pretty much dating, and then laugh and tell me that I'm like the sister you never had. Which convinces me that nothing will ever happen. But then you say things that make me believe the complete opposite. It's messing with my head big time and I don't know what to do about it.
And I feel even more alone because I'm back to being the only one.
If you understand what I mean.
This is bad. I'm just going to get hurt again... I know that nothing is going to happen. Or I keep trying to tell myself that. You say things like Clara said that me n you are pretty much dating, and then laugh and tell me that I'm like the sister you never had. Which convinces me that nothing will ever happen. But then you say things that make me believe the complete opposite. It's messing with my head big time and I don't know what to do about it.
And I feel even more alone because I'm back to being the only one.
If you understand what I mean.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Well that sucked.
But the rest of the weekend was pretty good.
Cute girl distraction.
It works until I have to come back to reality.
Cute girl distraction.
It works until I have to come back to reality.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
My heart breaks
For you everyday. All I want to do is be able to help... to be able to ease the pain a little, but I can't even do that anymore.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT WHAT I DESERVE. Let me be there for you... let me help you. You can't do this on your own. I know that you want to think that... and I know how hard it is for you to accept it. But people need other people.
All I want in this life hasn't changed. For you to be happy. I still love you with everything that I am and I would still give up every single one of my dreams in a heartbeat if It could help make life better for you.
Why does everything have to be so hard for you? You don't deserve any of this. WHAT THE FUCK.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT WHAT I DESERVE. Let me be there for you... let me help you. You can't do this on your own. I know that you want to think that... and I know how hard it is for you to accept it. But people need other people.
All I want in this life hasn't changed. For you to be happy. I still love you with everything that I am and I would still give up every single one of my dreams in a heartbeat if It could help make life better for you.
Why does everything have to be so hard for you? You don't deserve any of this. WHAT THE FUCK.
Hey you
I want to have serious conversations with you more than anything... but sometimes I don't know what to talk about. It always seems like you would rather me not talk to you. I miss you. I miss your hugs. And our long talks on the phone for no reason. I miss you.
I want you to come over and just hang out with me. Can we make that happen?
I want you to come over and just hang out with me. Can we make that happen?
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Last night
I really needed last night.
Amazing music and amazing people.
And an awesomely scary movie with some more awesome people.
Best night in a while.
Amazing music and amazing people.
And an awesomely scary movie with some more awesome people.
Best night in a while.
Monday, April 11, 2011
THIS SUCKS
I do not have any energy ever.
I hatehatehate that I can never get enough sleep.
I hatehatehate that I'm too stubborn to take something for it.
I hatehatehate that I don't have you to put me to sleep anymore.
I'm going to stop listing things before this turns in a long self loathing rant.
I hatehatehate that I can never get enough sleep.
I hatehatehate that I'm too stubborn to take something for it.
I hatehatehate that I don't have you to put me to sleep anymore.
I'm going to stop listing things before this turns in a long self loathing rant.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
This is so fucking good
Untitled Slurs (Empty Bottles)
V1- I’m slamming on these piano keys, sobs coming so fast I can’t breathe, pray tell why you had to leave, why couldn’t you just stay for me? Don’t say this is how it has to be, I don’t believe in destiny, all we’ve got is this harmony, please pretty baby sing it with me, don’t leave me here with this broken melody.
C- The sun goes to sleep, the moon begins to creep, and the stars appear. The guitar sings its tune as I stare at the moon, and the cold nips my ears. Burbon breathe, whiskey lungs. Drunken memories and gulps of rum. Spilling words and spinning rooms. I’m stumbling, trying to forget you.
V2- I’m wearing your old sweater, hoping these stitches keep me together, I’ve got my raincoat on I’ll brave this weather, I’m strong I can fight through whatever, but I’ve been around trying to feel better. But nothing gets me higher than your kiss, and nothing will ever get me lower than this.
C- The sun goes to sleep, the moon begins to creep, and the stars appear. The guitar sings its tune as I stare at the moon, and the cold nips my ears. Burbon breathe, whiskey lungs. Drunken memories and gulps of rum. Spilling words and spinning rooms. I’m stumbling, trying to forget you.
B- And I swallow my words with another drink, I’m in a lot more pain than you think, and it was so easy for you to walk away, there were no reasons for you to stay. I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough, I’m sorry I let myself fall in love, because we started this thing and I went full throtle, but now I’m left with nothing but this empty bottle.
C- The sun goes to sleep, the moon begins to creep, and the stars appear. The guitar sings its tune as I stare at the moon, and the cold nips my ears. Burbon breathe, whiskey lungs. Drunken memories and gulps of rum. Spilling words and spinning rooms. I’m stumbling, trying to forget you
V1- I’m slamming on these piano keys, sobs coming so fast I can’t breathe, pray tell why you had to leave, why couldn’t you just stay for me? Don’t say this is how it has to be, I don’t believe in destiny, all we’ve got is this harmony, please pretty baby sing it with me, don’t leave me here with this broken melody.
C- The sun goes to sleep, the moon begins to creep, and the stars appear. The guitar sings its tune as I stare at the moon, and the cold nips my ears. Burbon breathe, whiskey lungs. Drunken memories and gulps of rum. Spilling words and spinning rooms. I’m stumbling, trying to forget you.
V2- I’m wearing your old sweater, hoping these stitches keep me together, I’ve got my raincoat on I’ll brave this weather, I’m strong I can fight through whatever, but I’ve been around trying to feel better. But nothing gets me higher than your kiss, and nothing will ever get me lower than this.
C- The sun goes to sleep, the moon begins to creep, and the stars appear. The guitar sings its tune as I stare at the moon, and the cold nips my ears. Burbon breathe, whiskey lungs. Drunken memories and gulps of rum. Spilling words and spinning rooms. I’m stumbling, trying to forget you.
B- And I swallow my words with another drink, I’m in a lot more pain than you think, and it was so easy for you to walk away, there were no reasons for you to stay. I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough, I’m sorry I let myself fall in love, because we started this thing and I went full throtle, but now I’m left with nothing but this empty bottle.
C- The sun goes to sleep, the moon begins to creep, and the stars appear. The guitar sings its tune as I stare at the moon, and the cold nips my ears. Burbon breathe, whiskey lungs. Drunken memories and gulps of rum. Spilling words and spinning rooms. I’m stumbling, trying to forget you
Friday, April 8, 2011
My brain hurts
I found this picture on my phone today. Bring on the tears.
Youaresocute. Too bad you're straight. Or so you say.
Youaresocute. Too bad you're straight. Or so you say.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Oh and
One month. I can't believe that it's been one month.
Ihatethisimissyou
I'msorryIcantstoptalkingaboutit
Ihatethisimissyou
I'msorryIcantstoptalkingaboutit
Fourth period
Kinda makes my life most of the time.
I really hope we can get on the roof. It"ll be so fucking rad to have that scene be that dramatic.
You're a blast to hang out with. I love how comfortable I am around you (even with the few butterflies that are left) and that we can talk about stupid stuff or serious stuff or nothing at all and still be smiling like dorks. I love how chill you are. And I'm glad we're getting closer, i don't think I'd ruin that friendship with a meaningless makeout sesh now. You deserve more than that. I hope that he treats you rightt.
You. I don't even know what to say. You are still my best friend. Even when I couldn't look at you you didn't go anywhere. You have been the constant in my life. The one person I know that no matter what will always be there. And that didn't change when we broke up. Thank you. Thank you for that. I'm glad that we can still be in each other's lives. Really really fucking glad.
Anyone up for meaningless makeout sessions?
The distraction would be wonderful.
I really hope we can get on the roof. It"ll be so fucking rad to have that scene be that dramatic.
You're a blast to hang out with. I love how comfortable I am around you (even with the few butterflies that are left) and that we can talk about stupid stuff or serious stuff or nothing at all and still be smiling like dorks. I love how chill you are. And I'm glad we're getting closer, i don't think I'd ruin that friendship with a meaningless makeout sesh now. You deserve more than that. I hope that he treats you rightt.
You. I don't even know what to say. You are still my best friend. Even when I couldn't look at you you didn't go anywhere. You have been the constant in my life. The one person I know that no matter what will always be there. And that didn't change when we broke up. Thank you. Thank you for that. I'm glad that we can still be in each other's lives. Really really fucking glad.
Anyone up for meaningless makeout sessions?
The distraction would be wonderful.
Iloveyousomuch
And I miss you so much.
I can't even remember the last time you called me that.
I'm tired of pretending that everything's okay. That I don't miss you every second of every day.
That my heart isn't shattered into a million pieces.
I'm trying. I'm trying to be okay because you think that this is the best thing for you. All I want is what's best for you. For you to be happy. So I'm trying. Really fucking hard.
Iloveyousomuchbabygirl
I can't even remember the last time you called me that.
I'm tired of pretending that everything's okay. That I don't miss you every second of every day.
That my heart isn't shattered into a million pieces.
I'm trying. I'm trying to be okay because you think that this is the best thing for you. All I want is what's best for you. For you to be happy. So I'm trying. Really fucking hard.
Iloveyousomuch
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Teenagers
Livin' like I never met you
And it'll feel wrong at first
But I think I can forget you
Ignore the fact that we sleep
No more than three feet apart
I feel you now
You're all around me, underneath me
You're all around me, underneath me
Well, how was I to know
That what we carved in stone
Would be so temporary?
Well, how was I to know
That my first crack at love
Would not be the last?
It won't be the last
It's in the air now
Bitter tears and broken hearts
We're teenagers
We count the years we think we're smart
But we're not
We don't know anything
So don't ask me where I'll go
'Cause, frankly, I don't know
And I don't give a shit
Why must we all make sense?
Oh, I just won't make sense
For once, I'm just gonna live
I'm just gonna live
We're teenagers
(We don't know anything)
We're teenagers
(We don't know anything)
Well, how was I to know
That what we carved in stone
Would be so temporary?
(I'm gonna go on)
Why must we all make sense?
Oh, I just won't make sense
For once, I'm just gonna live
I'm just gonna live
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Honestly?
It's probably a good thing that you don't want to cross that line. If anything did happen I'd feel awful because I know that I wouldn't be able to give you what you deserve out of something like that.
I mean yeah. The distraction was nice while it lasted. Really nice. But there's no way I should be trying to do anything with anybody.
Yeah I'd kill for a meaningless makeout session just for the distraction. But that's not gunna happen anytime soon.
And relationships are out of the question for a while.
But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop flirting with you. It's so much easier to worry about what you think of me and wonder if my face is turning red rather than focus on heartache.
Sleepy time.
I mean yeah. The distraction was nice while it lasted. Really nice. But there's no way I should be trying to do anything with anybody.
Yeah I'd kill for a meaningless makeout session just for the distraction. But that's not gunna happen anytime soon.
And relationships are out of the question for a while.
But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop flirting with you. It's so much easier to worry about what you think of me and wonder if my face is turning red rather than focus on heartache.
Sleepy time.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I miss my girlfriend
So fucking much.
And now that I know that theres zero chance of us getting back together it makes everything so much more real. You really don't want to be with me.
I always thought we'd grow old together.
I never doubted our relationship for a second. I told people to shut the fuck up when they told me how stupid I was for believing in us. For thinking that any high school relationship can last. For believing that we meant to much to each other and that our love was strong enough to outlast anything.
But I was wrong.
And now I have to deal with it. I have to figure out how the fuck I'm supposed to move on. And have conversations about me crashing on your couch because I'm too broke to have anywhere to stay instead of about how we're going to go to Canada or about you teaching me to drive a standard.
I thought we were the exception.
I believed it with all of my heart.
I didn't hold anything back. Instead I ripped my heart from my chest and gave it to you completely.
I knew that after we crossed that line back in middle school my heart would always belong to you. And now I have absolutely no idea how to put it back together again.
I need you to come pick up the pieces and put my back together.
But you can't.
I can't stop myself from smiling when you do something cute or play with my hair.
I have to constantly stop myself from calling you baby.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone else.
I want to spend it with you.
I mean it's us... we're us. We belong together.
Or I thought we did.
I grew up with you. You made me who I am today. And you're still the only person that I want to hold me when I'm sad or who I actually believe when they tell me everything's gunna be okay.
I had to change all my passwords.
I had to scratch out doodles all over that wooden board thing.
I can't even look at a fucking tent let alone draw one.
And ironically the only time that I can actually be somewhat okay is when I'm with you.
You are still you.
And you are still the one person who I'd do anything for.
"my love for you will only stop if forever ends"
Yeah... I'm really gunna miss your incredibly sweet and insanely cute writing.
I wish I was still yours.
And now that I know that theres zero chance of us getting back together it makes everything so much more real. You really don't want to be with me.
I always thought we'd grow old together.
I never doubted our relationship for a second. I told people to shut the fuck up when they told me how stupid I was for believing in us. For thinking that any high school relationship can last. For believing that we meant to much to each other and that our love was strong enough to outlast anything.
But I was wrong.
And now I have to deal with it. I have to figure out how the fuck I'm supposed to move on. And have conversations about me crashing on your couch because I'm too broke to have anywhere to stay instead of about how we're going to go to Canada or about you teaching me to drive a standard.
I thought we were the exception.
I believed it with all of my heart.
I didn't hold anything back. Instead I ripped my heart from my chest and gave it to you completely.
I knew that after we crossed that line back in middle school my heart would always belong to you. And now I have absolutely no idea how to put it back together again.
I need you to come pick up the pieces and put my back together.
But you can't.
I can't stop myself from smiling when you do something cute or play with my hair.
I have to constantly stop myself from calling you baby.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone else.
I want to spend it with you.
I mean it's us... we're us. We belong together.
Or I thought we did.
I grew up with you. You made me who I am today. And you're still the only person that I want to hold me when I'm sad or who I actually believe when they tell me everything's gunna be okay.
I had to change all my passwords.
I had to scratch out doodles all over that wooden board thing.
I can't even look at a fucking tent let alone draw one.
And ironically the only time that I can actually be somewhat okay is when I'm with you.
You are still you.
And you are still the one person who I'd do anything for.
"my love for you will only stop if forever ends"
Yeah... I'm really gunna miss your incredibly sweet and insanely cute writing.
I wish I was still yours.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Her
I have to force myself to not think about it. About you.
It doesn't work all that well.
My feelings for you haven't changed.
I still love you with everything that I am.
And I don't know how to stop.
I don't know how to deal with you dating anyone else. Or wanting guys.
It takes so much effort to not try and try to get you back.
But I want you to be happy. So much more than I want happiness for myself.
So I'm gunna try and distract myself.
And maybe it'l help me get over you.
But even if I do.
My love for you will never lessen. It may change from I want to spend forever with you love, to something else. But it will never lessen.
I love you.
It doesn't work all that well.
My feelings for you haven't changed.
I still love you with everything that I am.
And I don't know how to stop.
I don't know how to deal with you dating anyone else. Or wanting guys.
It takes so much effort to not try and try to get you back.
But I want you to be happy. So much more than I want happiness for myself.
So I'm gunna try and distract myself.
And maybe it'l help me get over you.
But even if I do.
My love for you will never lessen. It may change from I want to spend forever with you love, to something else. But it will never lessen.
I love you.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
That was so fun
I can't tell if you were flirting back with me or not. Even though I wasn't intentionally really. More like trying not to. Considering you're straight ish and all. Aha I added the ish just cause.
You're cute. Distract me?
You're cute. Distract me?
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
This feels wrong
[2:16:28 AM] Ana: *sigh* its crazy that you still make my heart melt when you say things like that
On so many levels.
Not being with you feels so wrong.
And empty.
I miss you.
I need you.
I love you.
On so many levels.
Not being with you feels so wrong.
And empty.
I miss you.
I need you.
I love you.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Today was good
Seeing you was good.
Talking to you was good.
I can do this.
This is the best thing.
We'll make awesome friends.
Kris's hug made me smile today. It was unexpected. And really nice of him.
I can do this.
I'm okay with this.
Talking to you was good.
I can do this.
This is the best thing.
We'll make awesome friends.
Kris's hug made me smile today. It was unexpected. And really nice of him.
I can do this.
I'm okay with this.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I can't stop
I love you so much.
I wish I could turn it off.
I'm hoping it'l fade eventually.
All I wanna do is be with you.
"Us. Well how we used to be anyway. All cute and full of dreams."
My dreams never went away.
I keep posting and looking at all these girls trying to get you out of my head. When all I wanna do is post cute pictures of you. I don't know how I'm going to get over this. Over you. You're everything to me. My heart still belongs to you. I don't know how to get it back.
I know that I should never have thought that we could last. That it was possible.
But I'm stupid. And I did.
And now I have to figure out what to do. How to get over you and put my heart back together.
I don't know how to not love you.
And I don't even think I can ever turn it off.
I wish I could turn it off.
I'm hoping it'l fade eventually.
All I wanna do is be with you.
"Us. Well how we used to be anyway. All cute and full of dreams."
My dreams never went away.
I keep posting and looking at all these girls trying to get you out of my head. When all I wanna do is post cute pictures of you. I don't know how I'm going to get over this. Over you. You're everything to me. My heart still belongs to you. I don't know how to get it back.
I know that I should never have thought that we could last. That it was possible.
But I'm stupid. And I did.
And now I have to figure out what to do. How to get over you and put my heart back together.
I don't know how to not love you.
And I don't even think I can ever turn it off.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
She doesn't love you. She doesn't love you. She doesn't love you. Get it through your fucking head. You have to get over this. You can't keep dwelling on how things used to be. She doesn't love you. She doesn't love you. She's not yours and you aren't hers. You are going to have to figure out how to live without her. You're going to have to figure out how to fall asleep knowing that you wont ever fall asleep in her arms again. You have to figure out how to deal with things without crying to her about it. She doesn't love you. She doesn't want you. You need to get that through your fucking head.
Sigh
Sometimes I don't know what to say.
How to just be your friend.
It's hard. Really hard.
But we both need each other.
So I'm going to have to figure it out.
How to just be your friend.
It's hard. Really hard.
But we both need each other.
So I'm going to have to figure it out.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
The world feels a little brighter
when you post an i support same sex marriage picture and you get six likes within the minute that you post it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Yeah
it stung. But I know we're you're coming from. I don't think it's better, just different. Well for me anyway. I do think it's better for you. You needed this. And that's a good enough reason for this to be a good thing. I'm glad you feel closer to me. In a different way? I guess? I'm still getting used to this. But I know in the end that it will be better this way.We need this.
And yes, pleasee try and have fun?
And yes, pleasee try and have fun?
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Goofball
I love that we can still talk on the phone for an hour before we go to sleep. Things may not be the same. But talking to you still makes me so happy.
I never thought that we'd be talking on the phone for an hour a week later. That'd we be saying goodnight and talking about how no matter what we're always going to be family. You know me better than I know myself and you belong in my life. I care about you too much for that not to happen. We'll aways be us. Even if we arent "us"
Goodnight.
Love you.
I never thought that we'd be talking on the phone for an hour a week later. That'd we be saying goodnight and talking about how no matter what we're always going to be family. You know me better than I know myself and you belong in my life. I care about you too much for that not to happen. We'll aways be us. Even if we arent "us"
Goodnight.
Love you.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
In and Out
Go watch this movie. Right now. I guarantee you will laugh out loud the whole time. :P
And look! It's Michelle Rodriguez! Yum.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
TV Production
Fourth period makes my lifee.
SNOWCONES!!
I love you guys.
Today was mostly manageable. So that's good.
Most of the time. 7th period sucked but that's nothing new.
SNOWCONES!!
I love you guys.
Today was mostly manageable. So that's good.
Most of the time. 7th period sucked but that's nothing new.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I can't do this.
FUCK EVERYTHING.
My heart can't handle this.
I gave you everything. I put my entire existence into that relationship. I gave you everything I have to offer. I ripped my heart from my chest and put in your hands. I bled for you. I cried for you. I stayed up all night listening to you cry and I stayed up all night scared for your life. I grew up with you. You made me into who I am. Youare were my entire life. I have no idea how to do this without you. I have no idea how to function without you. But I know that I have to try and get over you because you convinced me that you actually mean it. That I'm not going to wake up from this nightmare and you're not going to look at me pull me aside and tell me that you love me and you can't do this without me either.
No.
You actually don't love me anymore.
I always thought that love lasts through anything. If it's real. And true. And honest. And I swear I felt that. I saw it in your eyes when you looked at me and confessed everything. When you were all nervous and kissed me on the cheek and whispered it to me for the first time. I KNOW IT WAS REAL. But how can it be? If you just stopped feeling it. I wish it was something I did. Then at least I'd have a reason. I wish I had someone to blame. I wish I could stop fucking needing you. I wish your texts weren't so cold and hard. I wish that I could just curl up in your arms and you'd make everything okay. What do you do when the only person who can make you feel better doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. Okay thats a lie. But it feels like it. Do you want me in your life just because you don't know how to not have me in your life? Is it because youlove need want me? Is it because you I've always been there?
I still have to do that research paper.
And I can't take much more of this not even looking at eachother stuff. But I don't know if I can handle talking to you either.
I wish I could back and figure out how to fix this.
My heart can't handle this.
I gave you everything. I put my entire existence into that relationship. I gave you everything I have to offer. I ripped my heart from my chest and put in your hands. I bled for you. I cried for you. I stayed up all night listening to you cry and I stayed up all night scared for your life. I grew up with you. You made me into who I am. You
No.
You actually don't love me anymore.
I always thought that love lasts through anything. If it's real. And true. And honest. And I swear I felt that. I saw it in your eyes when you looked at me and confessed everything. When you were all nervous and kissed me on the cheek and whispered it to me for the first time. I KNOW IT WAS REAL. But how can it be? If you just stopped feeling it. I wish it was something I did. Then at least I'd have a reason. I wish I had someone to blame. I wish I could stop fucking needing you. I wish your texts weren't so cold and hard. I wish that I could just curl up in your arms and you'd make everything okay. What do you do when the only person who can make you feel better doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. Okay thats a lie. But it feels like it. Do you want me in your life just because you don't know how to not have me in your life? Is it because you
I still have to do that research paper.
And I can't take much more of this not even looking at eachother stuff. But I don't know if I can handle talking to you either.
I wish I could back and figure out how to fix this.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Excessive
I feel like I'm going to be blogging so fucking often now because I have no other outlet. I mean Ryan can only listen to me bitch and cry for so long. I feel like I've been doing that to him too much. I'm trying to stop. Really I am.
Not texting you feels wrong. And weird. And empty.
Empty. Everything feels empty.
I guess I'm going to have to get used to that.
Not texting you feels wrong. And weird. And empty.
Empty. Everything feels empty.
I guess I'm going to have to get used to that.
And.
This sucks.
And I miss you.
And I know I've been constantly posting. But thats what blogs are for. So don't read it if its bugging you.
And I miss you.
And I know I've been constantly posting. But thats what blogs are for. So don't read it if its bugging you.
One day at a time
Eventually I'm going to be okay with this. I just have to get there. Eventually I'll be able to talk to you without crying. I didn't cry today. Not in front you anyway, which was my goal. So that's good. And I think in a couple weeks I"ll be able to have conversations with you and in a couple months maybe we can hang out and see how it is.
I've decided that in five years we're going to be like every other pair of lesbian best friends. Exes.
And I think I can handle that.
It's just the whole getting to that point part.
Which I'm working on.
It's fresh.
and it hurts.
A lot.
But I think I can get there.
Because I need you in my life too.
Side note: God I hope 3rd period gets better. Cause that was not easy.
Monday, March 7, 2011
10.17.08 - 03.06.11
I honestly have no idea how I'm going to do this.
"I'm not in love with you"
How am I supposed to deal with that? How am i supposed to get over that. I thought that we would be together forever. I thought that we would make it. There is absolutely no way I'm going to be able to make it through school tomorrow without crying. God especially art. That is going to be a mess. I can't do this. I can't just be friends with you. How the fuck am I supposed to do that? I love you with everything that I am. I always have. I thought that we were going to grow old together. I thought that you'd be my wife. I thought that we could be different. I have no fucking clue how to live without you. Texting you all day is making is so much more real. This is actually happening. You actually broke up with me. You actually don't love me anymore. I actually have to figure out how to do this. I actually have to figure out how get over you. I actually took everything off my walls and filled a box with your stuff. I can't wear those hoodies anymore. I can't do this.
I cant do this.
I cant do this.
How the fuck am I going to do this.
How the fuck am I going to live without you.
I can't listen to half the songs on my ipod.
I can't even look at the other bed in my room.
I can never use softlips again.
Every Paramore song makes me wanna puke.
I cant do this.
Theres no way.
I need to wake up from this nightmare.
Please?
Please?
I cant do this.
"I'm not in love with you"
How am I supposed to deal with that? How am i supposed to get over that. I thought that we would be together forever. I thought that we would make it. There is absolutely no way I'm going to be able to make it through school tomorrow without crying. God especially art. That is going to be a mess. I can't do this. I can't just be friends with you. How the fuck am I supposed to do that? I love you with everything that I am. I always have. I thought that we were going to grow old together. I thought that you'd be my wife. I thought that we could be different. I have no fucking clue how to live without you. Texting you all day is making is so much more real. This is actually happening. You actually broke up with me. You actually don't love me anymore. I actually have to figure out how to do this. I actually have to figure out how get over you. I actually took everything off my walls and filled a box with your stuff. I can't wear those hoodies anymore. I can't do this.
I cant do this.
I cant do this.
How the fuck am I going to do this.
How the fuck am I going to live without you.
I can't listen to half the songs on my ipod.
I can't even look at the other bed in my room.
I can never use softlips again.
Every Paramore song makes me wanna puke.
I cant do this.
Theres no way.
I need to wake up from this nightmare.
Please?
Please?
I cant do this.
So there's this kid
named Ryan. And he's pretty much the best best friend anyone could ask for. *heartt*
Thank you for being there today.
And I've decided that we both need each other way too much to not be in each other's lives. So it's going to hurt. A lot. And It's going to take time. But eventually I'll get there. And I'm still here. Not your girlfriend. As much as kills me to type that. But still here.
Thank you for being there today.
And I've decided that we both need each other way too much to not be in each other's lives. So it's going to hurt. A lot. And It's going to take time. But eventually I'll get there. And I'm still here. Not your girlfriend. As much as kills me to type that. But still here.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
1:15
I don't have anyone to text. Or call.
Sure people said to call them or text them. But none of them are you. I have no fucking idea how I'm going to handle this. I cant stop fucking crying and I feel like I'm going to throw up and sleep is impossible. Maybe we should have just been friends from the beginning. Then this wouldn't hurt as bad. Now that I now what its like... I don't know how I'm ever going to feel safe without your arms around me. I don't know how I'm ever going to feel whole without you by my side. How the fuck am I supposed to live without you? I cant fucking do it. Without you? I never actually thought it would happen. I asked you you tell me that you wanted to be with me because I wanted you to prove me wrong... to tell me that everything was okay and that you loved me. How did that conversation go from you calling to tell me goodnight to you telling me that you breaking up with me? I need to stop fucking crying. My head hurts and my eyes hurt and I wish I could get some fucking sleep. I even texted Miranda. Who hates my fucking guts to tell her to make sure you're okay. Because I care about you too fucking much. Thats my problem I always care about people too much. I thought it was different with you. I thought that you would always be there. I thought that we were different. I thought that we would make it. You know I was so fucking confident that we could make it through anything. That I would fucking die for you... that you were everything to me. I need you to fucking breathe. I cant breathe knowing that you dont want me anymore. How the fuck am I supposed to do this? I had to take everything down off my walls and take all the stuff you got me and hide it so I start crying harder when I saw the spiderman flipflops you justs bought me. This is the first night that i've sleep in this bed without my turtle since you bought him for me over 2 years ago. This fucking sucks. I have no fucking idea how to live right now. I cant fucking do this. Why? Why couldnt I be enough for you? Why couldnt I be your forever?
Im sorry. Im sorry I'm not good enough for you. I'm sorry i cant be that person for you. I'm sorry I didn't know how to fix this. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.
Sure people said to call them or text them. But none of them are you. I have no fucking idea how I'm going to handle this. I cant stop fucking crying and I feel like I'm going to throw up and sleep is impossible. Maybe we should have just been friends from the beginning. Then this wouldn't hurt as bad. Now that I now what its like... I don't know how I'm ever going to feel safe without your arms around me. I don't know how I'm ever going to feel whole without you by my side. How the fuck am I supposed to live without you? I cant fucking do it. Without you? I never actually thought it would happen. I asked you you tell me that you wanted to be with me because I wanted you to prove me wrong... to tell me that everything was okay and that you loved me. How did that conversation go from you calling to tell me goodnight to you telling me that you breaking up with me? I need to stop fucking crying. My head hurts and my eyes hurt and I wish I could get some fucking sleep. I even texted Miranda. Who hates my fucking guts to tell her to make sure you're okay. Because I care about you too fucking much. Thats my problem I always care about people too much. I thought it was different with you. I thought that you would always be there. I thought that we were different. I thought that we would make it. You know I was so fucking confident that we could make it through anything. That I would fucking die for you... that you were everything to me. I need you to fucking breathe. I cant breathe knowing that you dont want me anymore. How the fuck am I supposed to do this? I had to take everything down off my walls and take all the stuff you got me and hide it so I start crying harder when I saw the spiderman flipflops you justs bought me. This is the first night that i've sleep in this bed without my turtle since you bought him for me over 2 years ago. This fucking sucks. I have no fucking idea how to live right now. I cant fucking do this. Why? Why couldnt I be enough for you? Why couldnt I be your forever?
Im sorry. Im sorry I'm not good enough for you. I'm sorry i cant be that person for you. I'm sorry I didn't know how to fix this. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.
Ana
You went from holding me tight and promising to call me and tell me goodnight to finally admitting that you dont want to be with me. You've been tiptoeing around the subject for a week. You deserve better than to be with me just because you're afraid of hurting me. So yeah it hurts like a bitch. And I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do without you. Let alone how I'm going to let someone else in. I hope you find what you're looking for. And I hope that you find someone who can make you happy. Someone who could do what I couldn't.
I love you. I always will. Maybe not always in the same way. But a piece of my heart will always be yours.
I'm sorry I couldn't be your forever
I love you. I always will. Maybe not always in the same way. But a piece of my heart will always be yours.
I'm sorry I couldn't be your forever
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Anxious
What does that mean? You guess? It doesn't seem like we're okay. It doesn't seem like you're okay with this. With us. With me.
"I just don't connect with you anymore"
"I just feel like our heads are in two different places"
"I guess"
"I don't want to be tied down"
"both"
"I'd rather you didn't go"
I just don't know what to think anymore.
Tell me I'm wrong.
Tell me everything's okay.
Tell me that you love me.
Tell me that you want to be with me.
Tell me that you still feel all those things you told me at her party.
Tell me you don't wanna date anyone else.
But only if it's the truth.
"I just don't connect with you anymore"
"I just feel like our heads are in two different places"
"I guess"
"I don't want to be tied down"
"both"
"I'd rather you didn't go"
I just don't know what to think anymore.
Tell me I'm wrong.
Tell me everything's okay.
Tell me that you love me.
Tell me that you want to be with me.
Tell me that you still feel all those things you told me at her party.
Tell me you don't wanna date anyone else.
But only if it's the truth.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Passion
I can't even explain how much I want to go to film camp. But you know the whole four grand thing is kind of a problem. But come on... Industry standard equipment, and backlots, and being able to take advantage of people who can teach me things that I could never learn here. I want that. I fucking need that. Three weeks of creating. Of learning. Of getting to do what I love.. and on top of all that... to get out of here and live a little.
CREATION. I need it. I need it to fucking breathe. I mean the news room is cool and I'm sure it'll be fun and everything. But I want to be able to create. I want to take a story, or an idea, and turn it into something magical. Something real.
I've decided that I want this too bad to sit here and do nothing about it.
I need this.
So I'm going to start proving that I'm good enough.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I bet your boyfriend's dick doesn't vibrate ;)
Today was such a good day. So much better than school.
Andd...
I can't wait for saturdayyyy.
Andd...
I can't wait for saturdayyyy.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Lisaa
I miss you so much. Juss sayin. I feel like I've known you forever instead of just like I hung out with you for a week on a cruise ship. I told you tons about my life and whatnot. But really we just had nothing but fun for a week. No drama. No real life. Just fun and chill and friends. Thank you for making my trip that much better.
It's weird when you spend 7 days constantly hanging out with someone and then never see them ever again.
Faith&Amanda&Ceasar&Nikki&Mariela&Evan&Cory&everybodyelse I miss you guys <33
I miss making giant pillow forts and eating strawberry ice cream. I miss laying on the couches in fuel and laughing at people dancing. I miss getting pizza at sorento's every night. I miss the comfy double chair things in the solarium. I miss two on two basketball with zach. I miss fernando and his awesome random ness.
I did all these really cool things the whole time but none of them compare to the amazing people that I met <3
It's weird when you spend 7 days constantly hanging out with someone and then never see them ever again.
Faith&Amanda&Ceasar&Nikki&Mariela&Evan&Cory&everybodyelse I miss you guys <33
I miss making giant pillow forts and eating strawberry ice cream. I miss laying on the couches in fuel and laughing at people dancing. I miss getting pizza at sorento's every night. I miss the comfy double chair things in the solarium. I miss two on two basketball with zach. I miss fernando and his awesome random ness.
I did all these really cool things the whole time but none of them compare to the amazing people that I met <3
Friday, February 18, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Hey beautiful
I love you.
I dreamnt about that night again. We should talk about it soon.
I still have that picture on my wall from my 14th birthday party... you know the one where you're wearing my green jacket? That was like the cutest thing ever. That night just happened... I just said and did what felt right. We were super cute then... and just as cute noww ;)
You make me whole, my heart will always belong to you babygirl.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
To whom it may concern
- I'd be lying if I said I didn't care that you're going with her. Even if its not with her. It's still really shitty.
- I'm really glad we talked too. I've always felt at ease with you and I miss talking to you like that. I think that you get the way that I think... the way my brain works. But you have been there since the beginning, you watched me grow up and turn into who I was supposed to be. I miss you. Let's not make that a one time thing okay?
- Get over yourself.
- So many people told me to punch you in the face today. There's no way I ever could.
- All of that stuff that happened last year was because I couldn't handle life at that time. I was selfish and you deserved better.
- I hate that you moved.
- I hate that you live in Canada... we had a blast together.. I need more of that in my life.
- Really? No one gives a shit. Stop trying to be the person you think everyone wants you to be. Grow the fuck up.
- All you chemistry kids: you make that class 100000 times better. I actually kinda like it now.
- FUCK YOU.
- I'm terrified of ever leaving you again.
- I'm really glad we talked too. I've always felt at ease with you and I miss talking to you like that. I think that you get the way that I think... the way my brain works. But you have been there since the beginning, you watched me grow up and turn into who I was supposed to be. I miss you. Let's not make that a one time thing okay?
- Get over yourself.
- So many people told me to punch you in the face today. There's no way I ever could.
- All of that stuff that happened last year was because I couldn't handle life at that time. I was selfish and you deserved better.
- I hate that you moved.
- I hate that you live in Canada... we had a blast together.. I need more of that in my life.
- Really? No one gives a shit. Stop trying to be the person you think everyone wants you to be. Grow the fuck up.
- All you chemistry kids: you make that class 100000 times better. I actually kinda like it now.
- FUCK YOU.
- I'm terrified of ever leaving you again.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Stick it.
My obsession with this movie could not have made my gayness more obvious. I think it was in middle school? Yeah pretty sure.
I was watching the movie and thought about it. I'm talking like full on obsession. I watched it like once a week.
I was watching the movie and thought about it. I'm talking like full on obsession. I watched it like once a week.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Oasis
These are some of the most amazing people I have ever met.
Lisa I still think you should come live in my closet instead of all the way in Canada :)
When I get a picture of Nikki and zach uploaded I shall post one. I have never seen him so happy with a girl.
So I think we should all go on the same cruise next year yeah?
I'm so fucking excited to see my girlll mondayy :DDD
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Gia
Angelia Jolie's best perfomance. By fucking miles.
I want to make a movie as good as that one.
With an actress who can match her talent.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
You know,
I've been trying to act like I don't give a fuck, but you know the truth is this fucking sucks. It sucks that you didn't even talk to me about it. Just stopped talking to me, deleted that post and then my comment. Deleting me from your life without a second thought. And apparently you can do that, cause I'm shit to you now or whatever. So you'll just talk to my friends and my girlfriend and ignore that I exist at all. I mean is this really all because I posted a few sentances about being tired of being treated like shit. I was just asking you to treat me like you actually like me. But then again, who knows if you do... apparently not. So fine, I'll just stop talking to you. Even though sometimes I still think about all those late night conversations. But I guess you're a different person now, or something I don't know. An explaination would've been nice. But I guess I don't deserve one? Whatever.
Just don't you fucking dare do anything to hurt her okay?
Just don't you fucking dare do anything to hurt her okay?
Meh.
All I wanna do is make you feel better. Most of the time I can't even do that.
That talk was good. I think we needed that. It'd been a while since we had a long serious conversation ish thing.
This is weird. Im not too fond of it. But I guess i'll get used to it.
My photo essay isn't very good. I'm thinking C ish range. But at least I did it and got it in on time, well on time for me. That's always good.
I was gunna ask you if you'd let me keep one of those blades. But I knew you wouldn't, so I thought better of it.
I gave in a couple weeks ago, just a few scatches though. It didn't even bleed. I didn't think it was worth mentioning. I don't even count it.
I need this cruise. An escape from everything. An actual escape, to recover and not have to deal with anything. Stress free. Well except for the whole no cell service thing... and no internet... that kinda freaks me out a little. :/ a week is a long time to go without talking to you. Either of you. Expect giant hugs when I see you after that.
I don't really have much to say.
That talk was good. I think we needed that. It'd been a while since we had a long serious conversation ish thing.
This is weird. Im not too fond of it. But I guess i'll get used to it.
My photo essay isn't very good. I'm thinking C ish range. But at least I did it and got it in on time, well on time for me. That's always good.
I was gunna ask you if you'd let me keep one of those blades. But I knew you wouldn't, so I thought better of it.
I gave in a couple weeks ago, just a few scatches though. It didn't even bleed. I didn't think it was worth mentioning. I don't even count it.
I need this cruise. An escape from everything. An actual escape, to recover and not have to deal with anything. Stress free. Well except for the whole no cell service thing... and no internet... that kinda freaks me out a little. :/ a week is a long time to go without talking to you. Either of you. Expect giant hugs when I see you after that.
I don't really have much to say.
Monday, January 17, 2011
I really
should get started on that photo essay. I miss regular english.
I feel like shit. But I need to stop complaining.
You know I really should have played basketball in 10th grade. I really regret that decision. Cause now starting over is pretty close to impossible. Especially when I've gained like 872 pounds since I stopped playing. We shall see how this kinect workout thing goes I guess.
I don't know where to start on this photo essay. It would've helped if I read the book. I don't even remember the sparknotes that I read the night before we wrote that essay.
I have go with my mom to the doctors in case she needs me to drive her home. So that pretty much leaves me zero time to do this project. Awesome.
I feel like shit. But I need to stop complaining.
You know I really should have played basketball in 10th grade. I really regret that decision. Cause now starting over is pretty close to impossible. Especially when I've gained like 872 pounds since I stopped playing. We shall see how this kinect workout thing goes I guess.
I don't know where to start on this photo essay. It would've helped if I read the book. I don't even remember the sparknotes that I read the night before we wrote that essay.
I have go with my mom to the doctors in case she needs me to drive her home. So that pretty much leaves me zero time to do this project. Awesome.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Today
Was so fucking amazing.
The ride was so crazyy. And like walking through hogwarts and just like feeling that you were actually in the world was amazing. The tie and scarf that I bought make me happy. And my girlfriends slytherin blanket is adorablee.
Ryan and zach make a good combination. If I had one of those crazy merry go round pictures I would put one here.
Today was exactly what I needed. An escape from reality, a break from life. With the people that I care most about.
It kinda sucked a lot that I'm sick though. Lame.
I love you guys.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Sunday
I am so fucking excited.
I want to escape to another world. Drink butterbeer and walk through hogsmeade.To walk though all the shops and fly on a dragon.
We all need the escape.
Counting down the hours...
And does anyone know who this is?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)