Hangovers suck.

But last night was funn ;)

Good night.

Talking to cute girls on tumblr > straight girls messing with my head

I'm really proud of him

For putting everything he has into this sport.And finally letting the rest of the world see how great he is.

All I want is for you to be happy.

I'm glad that's starting to happen.

Melt down over

I am okay.
I am okay with this.
I am getting over you.
I am going to be happy in the morning.

I am insane.

Isn't it fucking insane that I still wake up and forget.
Or wake up and feel in my heart that we'll still end up together.
Its nuts.
I'm supposed to be getting over you. But I can't make the fucking feelings go away.
I still feel like I know that we belong together.
I still feel like I'm supposed to be yours forever.

Its fucking insane. I NEED TO GET IT THROUGH MY HEAD THAT WE'RE DONE. And I can't.
I don't know how.

Maybe more time will help.

I really need to shut up about it now.

Lonely.

How many times did we talking about making it to senior year. How many times did we say that things were going to get better. I remember laying next to you and telling you that we were going to make it. Going to get there. And that we were going to get there together. I was so confident. I don't know why I let myself believe it all so whole-heartedly. Its stupid. I knew that we were only 14 when all of this started. Why should any of it have lasted. I knew that. I fucking knew that. Why did I let myself believe it.

I asked you that that night so that you would reassure me. Tell me that you wanted to be with me. I keep replaying it in my mind. Trying to figure out what I could have done differently to make this work.

I loved you. Still love you. More than I ever thought anyone was capable of loving anything. Anyone.

I just... don't know how I'm going to be able to find that with someone else. When all I want is you.

And I know that you don't want me anymore. Don't love me like that anymore. I just wish my heart would realize that.

I don't have anyone to text in the middle of the night... I don't have anyone to listen to me cry and tell me everything will be okay.

I just feel so alone. All of the time.

It's the worst feeling in the world.

But I still wouldn't take back a thing. If I have to feel like this forfuckingever Its worth it for what we had.

I miss you. And I hope you're having a blast.

That was a lot to fucking handle

This is all a lot to fucking handle.

I hatehatehatehate this.

And I'm so fucking jealous of that boy.

He got what I waited years for and didn't get.

But honestly i could care less about the fucking sex. Or not sex. Or whatever. I just want YOU back. I want to feel your arms around me. I want you to kiss me soft and tell me everything is going to be okay. I want to be able to tell you that I love you before I go to sleep and know that it means what I want it to mean.

I thought you were going to snap out of it and everything would be okay.

I thought you were my forever.

I know that I'm not supposed to care anymore. That I'm supposed to be over all of this. That I'm supposed to be happy for you when you go down on hot guys or whatever. I'm really trying. I promise I'm trying so fucking hard to make the feelings go away.

Don't worry about it okay? At all. I know you. Don't worry about me. Please?

And the Mavs win.

Awesome.

Shitty end to a shitty day.

I knew it

was gunna happen... I just thought that it'd last a little longer.
Distraction over.
Awesome.
You should've just told me no at the beginning.. why'd you lead me on? You seemed so into it when we hung out. Whatever.

I still can't believe it. It's like you turned into a completely different person. All of it... it's just so un-you. I don't know. Maybe I just don't know you as well as I thought I did.
And that's just gross by the way.
I can't get the image out of my head.

I just... I always thought... that'd it be us.

Today sucks.

Twilight Zone

I'm glad you had such a good time. That's totally not what I was expecting... but I'm really glad you had fun :)
I miss you like crazy and I think you should could home nowww. But that's okay... I hope you have a good time at UF too.

You need to get ungrounded right now! I haven't seen you in so long. It's not okay.

I miss youu and you've been gone one day. I hope that you have a good time... and that when you get back and we go out everything will work out.

I like my piercings a lot... even though they totally hurt more than I was expecting. But i think they're rad... and I've been wanting them for a while. So it feels awesome to finally have them.

Dear,

I'm really worried about you. I hope you can have some fun this week... I really do. I hope that it isnt as bad as you think its going to be and that maybe just for a second you can get your mind off of everything that you hate and just enjoy a moment. I wish I could give that to you. I wish I could give you the whole world. You deserve it, you deserve happiness, you deserve to be free of all this pain and hate. I wish I could give all of that to you. I hope that you can find it some day. I'm really sad that we didn't get to say goodbye. I really wanted to. Kinda more than anything. I have no idea how I'm going to go like the whole summer without seeing you. I miss you every day. Love you. Goodnight.

You're good for me right now. I can forget about everything when I'm with you and just enjoy the moment.. just be there with you. I have a good feeling about this. But even if it doesn't turn into anything or I kiss you once and you freak out and run back to boys, I want you in my life. You make me smile, and I love that I can just have fun and flirt and goof off and there isnt any commitment or anything. Maybe there will be... maybe we'll get together at some point.. but for now this is good. Really good.

I've finally got

That cute girl distraction.
I hope that this can turn into something.