Lonely.

How many times did we talking about making it to senior year. How many times did we say that things were going to get better. I remember laying next to you and telling you that we were going to make it. Going to get there. And that we were going to get there together. I was so confident. I don't know why I let myself believe it all so whole-heartedly. Its stupid. I knew that we were only 14 when all of this started. Why should any of it have lasted. I knew that. I fucking knew that. Why did I let myself believe it.

I asked you that that night so that you would reassure me. Tell me that you wanted to be with me. I keep replaying it in my mind. Trying to figure out what I could have done differently to make this work.

I loved you. Still love you. More than I ever thought anyone was capable of loving anything. Anyone.

I just... don't know how I'm going to be able to find that with someone else. When all I want is you.

And I know that you don't want me anymore. Don't love me like that anymore. I just wish my heart would realize that.

I don't have anyone to text in the middle of the night... I don't have anyone to listen to me cry and tell me everything will be okay.

I just feel so alone. All of the time.

It's the worst feeling in the world.

But I still wouldn't take back a thing. If I have to feel like this forfuckingever Its worth it for what we had.

I miss you. And I hope you're having a blast.