Old facebook messages

almost as good as cutting.

Ana: I miss you too baby.

tearstearstearsheartbreakimissyouineedyouimsorryiwasntgoodenough

Yeah.

I wish all of this would just go away. Can we go back to when I felt like everything was gunna be okay. When I believed with all of my heart that you would always be there. That we would always be us and that you would love me forever. Can we go back to when cute mis-shapen hearts on my face would make my entire day. Can we go back. I miss you. I miss us. AND I NEED TO GET OVER IT.

This is bad. I'm just going to get hurt again... I know that nothing is going to happen. Or I keep trying to tell myself that. You say things like Clara said that me n you are pretty much dating, and then laugh and tell me that I'm like the sister you never had. Which convinces me that nothing will ever happen. But then you say things that make me believe the complete opposite. It's messing with my head big time and I don't know what to do about it.

And I feel even more alone because I'm back to being the only one.

If you understand what I mean.

Well that sucked.

But the rest of the weekend was pretty good.
Cute girl distraction.

It works until I have to come back to reality.

My heart breaks

For you everyday. All I want to do is be able to help... to be able to ease the pain a little, but I can't even do that anymore.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT WHAT I DESERVE. Let me be there for you... let me help you. You can't do this on your own. I know that you want to think that... and I know how hard it is for you to accept it. But people need other people.

All I want in this life hasn't changed. For you to be happy. I still love you with everything that I am and I would still give up every single one of my dreams in a heartbeat if It could help make life better for you.

Why does everything have to be so hard for you? You don't deserve any of this. WHAT THE FUCK.

Hey you

I want to have serious conversations with you more than anything... but sometimes I don't know what to talk about. It always seems like you would rather me not talk to you. I miss you. I miss your hugs. And our long talks on the phone for no reason. I miss you.

I want you to come over and just hang out with me. Can we make that happen?

Last night

I really needed last night.
Amazing music and amazing people.
And an awesomely scary movie with some more awesome people.

Best night in a while.

THIS SUCKS

I do not have any energy ever.

I hatehatehate that I can never get enough sleep.
I hatehatehate that I'm too stubborn to take something for it.
I hatehatehate that I don't have you to put me to sleep anymore.

I'm going to stop listing things before this turns in a long self loathing rant.

This is so fucking good

Untitled Slurs (Empty Bottles)

V1- I’m slamming on these piano keys, sobs coming so fast I can’t breathe, pray tell why you had to leave, why couldn’t you just stay for me? Don’t say this is how it has to be, I don’t believe in destiny, all we’ve got is this harmony, please pretty baby sing it with me, don’t leave me here with this broken melody.

C- The sun goes to sleep, the moon begins to creep, and the stars appear. The guitar sings its tune as I stare at the moon, and the cold nips my ears. Burbon breathe, whiskey lungs. Drunken memories and gulps of rum. Spilling words and spinning rooms. I’m stumbling, trying to forget you.

V2- I’m wearing your old sweater, hoping these stitches keep me together, I’ve got my raincoat on I’ll brave this weather, I’m strong I can fight through whatever, but I’ve been around trying to feel better. But nothing gets me higher than your kiss, and nothing will ever get me lower than this.

C- The sun goes to sleep, the moon begins to creep, and the stars appear. The guitar sings its tune as I stare at the moon, and the cold nips my ears. Burbon breathe, whiskey lungs. Drunken memories and gulps of rum. Spilling words and spinning rooms. I’m stumbling, trying to forget you.

B- And I swallow my words with another drink, I’m in a lot more pain than you think, and it was so easy for you to walk away, there were no reasons for you to stay. I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough, I’m sorry I let myself fall in love, because we started this thing and I went full throtle, but now I’m left with nothing but this empty bottle.

C- The sun goes to sleep, the moon begins to creep, and the stars appear. The guitar sings its tune as I stare at the moon, and the cold nips my ears. Burbon breathe, whiskey lungs. Drunken memories and gulps of rum. Spilling words and spinning rooms. I’m stumbling, trying to forget you

My brain hurts

I found this picture on my phone today. Bring on the tears.

Youaresocute. Too bad you're straight. Or so you say.

Oh and

One month. I can't believe that it's been one month.

Ihatethisimissyou
I'msorryIcantstoptalkingaboutit

Fourth period

Kinda makes my life most of the time.

I really hope we can get on the roof. It"ll be so fucking rad to have that scene be that dramatic.

You're a blast to hang out with. I love how comfortable I am around you (even with the few butterflies that are left) and that we can talk about stupid stuff or serious stuff or nothing at all and still be smiling like dorks. I love how chill you are. And I'm glad we're getting closer, i don't think I'd ruin that friendship with a meaningless makeout sesh now. You deserve more than that. I hope that he treats you rightt.

You. I don't even know what to say. You are still my best friend. Even when I couldn't look at you you didn't go anywhere. You have been the constant in my life. The one person I know that no matter what will always be there. And that didn't change when we broke up. Thank you. Thank you for that. I'm glad that we can still be in each other's lives. Really really fucking glad.

Anyone up for meaningless makeout sessions?
The distraction would be wonderful.

Iloveyousomuch

And I miss you so much.

I can't even remember the last time you called me that.

I'm tired of pretending that everything's okay. That I don't miss you every second of every day.
That my heart isn't shattered into a million pieces.

I'm trying. I'm trying to be okay because you think that this is the best thing for you. All I want is what's best for you. For you to be happy. So I'm trying. Really fucking hard.

Iloveyousomuchbabygirl

Teenagers

I'm gonna go on
Livin' like I never met you
And it'll feel wrong at first
But I think I can forget you
Ignore the fact that we sleep
No more than three feet apart
I feel you now
You're all around me, underneath me
You're all around me, underneath me

Well, how was I to know
That what we carved in stone
Would be so temporary?
Well, how was I to know
That my first crack at love
Would not be the last?
It won't be the last

It's in the air now
Bitter tears and broken hearts
We're teenagers
We count the years we think we're smart
But we're not
We don't know anything

So don't ask me where I'll go
'Cause, frankly, I don't know
And I don't give a shit
Why must we all make sense?
Oh, I just won't make sense
For once, I'm just gonna live
I'm just gonna live

We're teenagers
(We don't know anything)
We're teenagers
(We don't know anything)

Well, how was I to know
That what we carved in stone
Would be so temporary?
(I'm gonna go on)
Why must we all make sense?
Oh, I just won't make sense
For once, I'm just gonna live
I'm just gonna live

Is this going to hurt this bad forever?

Because I really can't handle it at all.