That was a lot to fucking handle

This is all a lot to fucking handle.

I hatehatehatehate this.

And I'm so fucking jealous of that boy.

He got what I waited years for and didn't get.

But honestly i could care less about the fucking sex. Or not sex. Or whatever. I just want YOU back. I want to feel your arms around me. I want you to kiss me soft and tell me everything is going to be okay. I want to be able to tell you that I love you before I go to sleep and know that it means what I want it to mean.

I thought you were going to snap out of it and everything would be okay.

I thought you were my forever.

I know that I'm not supposed to care anymore. That I'm supposed to be over all of this. That I'm supposed to be happy for you when you go down on hot guys or whatever. I'm really trying. I promise I'm trying so fucking hard to make the feelings go away.

Don't worry about it okay? At all. I know you. Don't worry about me. Please?