You know it was meant to be when you can't remember it being any different

Ipod post time! Aka check the comment losers

I'm sorry im not your view of normal

All i want is what everyone else has.

Is that so much to ask? Is it really so awful? As i sit here crying over the keyboard you have no idea what your doing to me. Am i really that horrible? What did i do to deserve this?

It's ironic that the T.V. show I'm addicted to hurts me so much. I cant stop watching yet every minute tears me apart. It shows me everything i crave yet am constantly denied. Lets me see how it could be. If everything were different. But of course i can never have it. And it means nothing to most of the world. I'm a mistake, not how it should be, i made the wrong choice, i should just pretend to be "normal" to make it easier on everyone else because that's more important than how i feel or what i want. News flash people you don't choose who you love. It just happens.

I'm so tired of lying. Of hiding. Pretending. Of laughing when someone makes a joke when it kills me inside. Because i know how it feels. What its like. And id give anything to change it.

You. the only reason I'm still here. why all this might actually be worth it.

Alliwantisyou~isthattoomuchtoask?

Everything i do, i do for you

-everything i do (id die for you) by Bryan Adams

I just heard that song. Apparently is was my parents wedding song. It made me smile.

Wow Adam is the shit. I'm watching American idol if you cant tell.

I miss you. Sure i see you five days a week but you know what i mean. I miss spending time with just you. Spending hours alone in my room just talking. Go camping and shopping. Seeing a movie with you every weekend. Being able to go over your house. The first month was amazing. I agree id give anything to have paused that night. Spent forever alone with you. Just you. It never is anymore. I wish it was different, id give anything for it, but I'm okay, ill get through it, because i have you.

South of Nowhere is my new addiction. Its amazing. Ive spent like $35 buying the first two seasons on itunes. Its relate able. It also makes me really want a car. Getting around the rules would be so much easier. It makes me envy people who can be together even with the parent forbiddenness barrier. God. i want it so bad. I know i talk about it to much but its hard when that's all i think about. Simple things like being able to hold your hand at school mean so much.

Basketball was fun today. We're the Storm for AAU. Yay off season games! And sexy new uniforms! I lovee are new offence i think its going to work very well. Its a motion offence with back screens and lots of V cuts. I shoot so well off the screen. Drill it every time. My legs are sore from the calf-lifty machine thing. We only had 30 minutes in the weight room though.

THAT ENGLISH TEST SUCKED. MAJORLY.

Ahh i couldn't get the meatball out of Mr. Meatball Man D=

People not know who they are thing:
-You turned into a dickhead. Figures you are male.
- No matter how much you think you do you have no idea how i feel
- Thank you
- I love you more than anything
- I need you in my life I'm so glad you don't judge
- Thank god
- I hatehatehate you
- You have no idea how much you mean to me
- How can you do that? I honestly cant fathom it.
- All my truth or dare answers are going to be different now.
- They'll actually be TRUTHS.

Just put it in an email!

I know its been like forever since I posted Ive just had a lot on my mind lately and I hate blogging when there are people in the living room that could possibly read over my shoulder what I'm writing. That wouldn't be good.

Last week was pretty rough for me. I spent all week focusing on one thing, no matter what I did I couldn't seem to get it out of my mind. I'm dealing with it though, I mean Ive been putting off dealing with it for a really long time its about time I did. I don't wanna blog about it though. I don't know. It makes it real. More real than it already is. I'm getting there it just takes time. It's sort of a relief too. I'm sick of lying. Even though I'm pretty kickass at it =D. Jamie really helped me clear my head and relax about it all. She needs to come up and do it in person i miss her loadsss.

So far my spring break has been pretty lamee. Ive been stuck at home i don't know why though, i could get someone to come over or something. Maybe tomorrow. Thursday could be amazing, or another day spent wishing it was different.

The concert is still gunna kickass even though it wont be the same and I'm disappointed but that's okay. They'll be other times.

i need to get out and do something. Anyone wanna do something tomorrow? After all you losers get home for Grace's that is.

I played a hardcore game of basketball yesterday with Zach, Kaleb, and my mom. It was pretty intense. I totally ownedd. Kaleb and I only lost by a point, ugggg. O well. My mom and I won the first game.

I'm going to go find something exciting to do. Right. Well I'm going to tryyy.