Saturday, March 21, 2009

This was from 3/16 i decided to post it cause i dont know what else to do with it

I cant do this.
Just getting through the day requires such an effort.
I want to close my eyes and never wake up. Put an end to all this pain. Everything hurts all the time. The only time i find relief is when I'm with her and with that limited to only art god. i need her all the time not just during school. i live for that hour everyday. everything else is hell. I'm either fighting with my mom or crying. what kind of life is that? I know my dad is praying that i get over this "phase" am i not good enough the way i am? I mean i know I'm fucked up. N i suck at everything there is. And I'm stupid. AndI'm fat. And I'm not worth it. And I'm meaningless. And i don't deserve to live. What was i talking about again? O yeah, but cant u just accept who i am? please?

Why should i keep going when all there is is hurt?
Why should i burden other people with knowing me?
Why should i be with you, i cause you so much pain u deserve better. much better.
Would anyone care? besides her.
Is there anyone else who gives a damn?

I haven't been to counseling in a really long time. Since before i came out.*sigh* if only we had health insurance.

When will the pain end?
When i make it end? No. You cant. Don't think about it. Fuck.

3 comments:

GraceEstelle said...

You aren't fat!
Sorry, you aren't a lot of those things, but that was the one I decided to protest. xD

GraceEstelle said...

You know, I was typing your address into the address bar thingy, and all of a sudden Living La Vida Loca popped into my head.
You know, the song?
Thought I'd share. xD

Kaylee. said...

okay, then I'll protest to the stupid one. xP
YOU'RE NOT STUPID!

<3