Home alone.

Its nice having the house all to myself. Well actually its only nice to have my family not bothering me every second of everyday. I personally hate being alone. Even if I'm just going to the other room i like to take someone with me. Its sort of a personal fear i guess. More like i don't feel comfortable unless I'm with another person. Yet i like being home alone. I just have to constantly talk to someone to reassure myself if that makes any sense. I guess I'm just afraid of being left alone all together.

I just wrote a whole paragraph and then deleted it. I couldn't seem to explain what i was trying to say. I'm just going to say this: I cant get that thought out of my head.

I got some pretty sexy purple hair dye the other day. If i ever get around to using it it'll be pretty damn hot.

Why am i so tired all the time? I mean i know that i could get more sleep but i take lots of naps and sleep really late on the weekends that should make up for it right? No. Instead I'm constantly tired. I never have the energy to do anything, more like the motivation to anything. Which is why its been weeks since Ive worked on my shot or lifted or ran. I put all this work into basketball this season and I'm letting it go to waste by just sitting around. I actually cared this season and pushed myself to do things that i never would have thought possible. Being able to run ten laps as a warm up everyday became second nature, not a big deal. In October i didn't think it was possible to earn a starting spot. But i spend hours working on my shot until it started to fall wherever i took it. I became a shooter. Mentally i knew that i could make it and i started shooting when i was on the floor. My assists and rebounds doubled from the beginning of the season and dammit it felt good to actually be good at something. But now I'm doing nothing to become a better player. I know that i need to start lifting all the time if i want to play varsity but instead i don't. I don't even have a good reason. What the hell is wrong with me? It felt good to play on a winning team. To be able to beat teams we were afraid of playing a year ago. Why am i letting all of it go to waste? I wish i knew. I care i really do am i just really that lazy? Why didn't i play softball or track? To give me something to do to keep me in shape. I need to keep running in order to get better. I want to score double digits every game. I know that its possible if I'm wiling to work. But am i?

Anyway tomorrow could be a really good day. I really need that right now. Lets hope.

Random thought: damn hes hot why didn't i know about this?