Addiction.

Can you be addicted to a person?
Cause this sure seems like an addiction.


addiction (noun)
to physically or mentally need something

if that is true than i am completely addicted.
i cant function... think... i stopped caring about everything but her.

why should i care? all i want in life is to spend it with her. i cant live without her so why should i try? Who gives a shit what my algebra grade is? all i want to know is when i can see her. When i can turn off autopilot and actually feel and care and smile. When living isn't a chore but a blessing. I fell completely in love. and i thought maybe i really did have a chance at happiness, something i never thought possible. But no. that would just be to right, and fair. Instead i have to spend hours of planning to get around the rules because apparently I'm such an awful person that her parents cant even look at me. There really isn't a worse feeling in the world than predjudical hatred. I don't know any other way to describe what it is.

I mean really cant they see how happy she is... was. Isn't that what they're supposed to care about? Her happiness. But no, apparently not. All they care about is what everyone will think. Honestly who gives a shit what the world thinks. If they cant deal with it its their problem not ours. but whatever. we'll have to go on lying to them if they cant deal with it.

The pain of separation is more than i ever would ever have imagined and i know most likely it will only get worse until years from now. But we can get through it, we have to.

Now why wasn't i at school today?
because i lied and said i did all my homework so i could go to the track meet. Which turned out to suck majorly. I got to hang out with her for like 10 minutes and then her mom showed up and i had to disappear. I could see her she was only a few feet away yet i missed her so much.

Anyway i told my mom i would get all my homework done and i was fully planning on it, but then i fell asleep before my parents went to sleep which is when i was going to do it, after they fell asleep. So i woke up in the morning without my essay done and a awful headache. So i played off my headache a lot and convinced my dad to let me stay home. Because my grade in health can not afford a zero and i really would like to not completely fail school. So because I'm a complete idiot i had to stay home and was deprived of my happiness for the day. O well. Who needs happiness anyway.