It's amazing how alone i feel here. I think it's because of how much i'd rather be with you. Either of you. A couple months ago i would have been with you constantly for ten whole days. I'd kill for an hour with you now. Laying next to her on complete opposite sides of the bed not touching at all makes it so much worse. I need human contact. I need to sleep next to you and feel a little less alone... like i'll be okay because you're with me. I miss that so much. I miss staying up and talking about cute girls or strip clubs or every little thing about my life. I miss being able to pour out my heart and know that at least for that moment I was okay. That I could be. I miss you. I don't know how making it through the rest of high school is possible. That's so far from now. I just want to cut.. and then curl up and cry... and I want you both to be there when I wake up. Whenever I hug you I hate letting go... it feels like years before i'll see you again.
I didn't want to stop. I wanted to keep hitting it until there was nothing left to hit with. I wanted to feel my bones break. But instead all i got was one punch. Painpainpainstingstingstingreliefreliefrelief.
Empty house. It needs to be taken advantage of. Though I stopped even hoping it's going to happen.
Baby, I need you to wrap your arms around me and make everything okay. I need you to kiss me soft and tell me you love me and make me forget that anything else exists. I need to feel your body against mine and feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. I need you <3 I miss laying next to you more than I can put into words. I need it so much.. and knowing how long I'm going to have to wait to feel that again hurts so fucking much.
Fully automatic nerf guns are pretty damn fantastic. But all it makes me think about is that day we got those blaster things at Taco Bell. And how much fun it would be to have a super fight with them. And hardknocks. But shooting them at people made today a little be easier.
...Until I have to try and sleep.
I love you both so much it hurts <3
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