It's been a while

This isn't going to make much sense, or be written all poetic. This is raw.

This constant hurt is draining.
I don't want to fall back into that place.
I don't want to let anyone down.
It's constant... I thought that i had been through it all
Or at least enough that i had finally climbed my way out of that deep dark hole.
You pulled me out of it... saved me from being lost in it forever.
And now I'm just toeing the edge.
Praying that you'll be there to stop me from falling in.

This is ripping me up inside.
Tearing a hole in my heart that i doubt will ever stop bleeding.
This constant ache... constant fight to keep from falling in.
When I'm with you i can relax.. trust you to keep me from falling.
You put your hand over my heart and stop the bleeding.

Lunch was pretty awful today.
I feel bad for making you feel bad Rachel.. you're the only one that understood.. well Miranda did too. But you know what I mean. I don't even know where to go with that anymore.. how to get through.. I just wanted... I just want her to maybe have an understanding of the situation... to try to understand what I feel.

I've been through hell and back and it's just getting started.
I thought I made it past the worst... I climbed out...
But it seems like I'm never going to be free of it.

This isn't about what some of you think it is.
Yeah coming out was hard. It still is. But that is the one part of me I have no problem with. It's a combination of everything.

But mostly its just about living.