Dear,

There's so much I haven't said.

I'm sorry. I still feel responsible for all your hurt and because I'm me I still care. I know things won't ever go back. They can't. But I want you to know that I'm sorry. You probably don't read this anymore anyway. But I had to say it.

I still miss you. It's been so long since we've even made eye contact. I never thought this would happen. It's the last thing I wanted. You were the one person I went to when I couldn't go anywhere else. You got me. In a way that few people have. You were there to listen to me cry and vent and scream. I miss you. Things will never go back. It still hurts. I know you don't read this but that's okay. I just needed to admit it.

You... you made me cry. Writing that in my yearbook. It sounded so much like goodbye... so final. I wish I could believe that things would be okay again... they could be okay but you said it for me, we both know they cant. I still love you too. I always will. You've stuck with me all through middle school.. halfway through high school. You got me in fifth grade when we were making that kickass mad scientist house while everyone else was making condominiums. Thank you. Thank you for being there and acknowledging my existence when no one else you talk to does anymore. Thank you for still caring.

You haven't left yet... I have to keep convincing myself that you're not going anywhere. But most of the time I believe it. You know me better than I know myself sometimes and I know that you'll fight to the death for me. You care. You've talked me down from the ledge or away from the knife. You know pretty much everything there is to know about me and I can let my guard down and take my filter off. I love you. You mean so much to me I hope you know that <3

Baby... you know how much I love you. You put me back together. I fall apart pretty much daily and you're always there to pick up the pieces. You've been there through it all and I know you aren't going anywhere. I love you more than I ever thought possible beautiful.

I couldn't believe you were still there when I needed you. You still get me. We laugh at the same jokes and eat the same junk food. It's like we picked up where we left off. I love you.

You've helped keep me sane throughout all this. We have almost every class together and you make me laugh all the time. Count on hanging out with me all summerr :) I don't think you know how much you mean to me but that's okay. We're super good friends and it shall stay that way.

Aha just thinking about you is making me smile. You manage to make me laugh even when I feel like shit. You shall be seeing a lot of me over the summer too :) Movies and wigs and swords and masks and maybe some super fun substances ;)