Today was pretty amazing for the most part. Getting to finally spend some time with you made me happy :) we needed that.
Yet it was also filled with dread and guilt... pain and hurt.
It's not just one thing it's a few... One i'll blog about later after it gets talked about.
Idk if I hav ever really told you how awful it feels that you act like you don't even like me when you're home. That you don't even tell your mom we're friends. Yeah I get it and I know it's easier that way it just sucks. It's one of those things that just gets me. Like when they first found out and you blamed of all on me like it wasn't a mutual thing.. Like you were just fooling around, and yeah I understand why you did that but that doesn't make it hurt any less. And even after that you told your mom that I just wasn't over you or somthing like that.. Why couldn't we have still been friends in their eyes. It made me seem like the bad guy... Like you don't even want to be around me. I just wish it was different but the damage is already done.
It's going to be okay =/ i'm sorry you have to go through this because of me. It's not your battle to fight, your burden to bear... Again I'm sorry.
It's cold and I'm laying here feeling so incredibly alone... I'd give everything I have... I'd break every rule... I'd endure all possible pain... To lay with you again for just a minute.. Because that minute would be worth anything the world can throw at me. I need to lay on ur arms and cry my eyes out.. To pour out my soul to you. I need more than anything and it scares me that I might not ever get it.
Fuck I did not want to cry. Im an emotional wreck right now. Maybe I'll sleep eventually. I doubt it.
I love you beautiful sweet dreams.
Please? Just let me be with her... Fill the huge hole in my heart that never stops bleeding... I need her. Please I'm begging you.. It hurts so much... I need it to stop... I need it to.
1 comment:
Today was pretty amazing for the most part. Getting to finally spend some time with you made me happy :) we needed that.
Yet it was also filled with dread and guilt... pain and hurt.
It's not just one thing it's a few... One i'll blog about later after it gets talked about.
Idk if I hav ever really told you how awful it feels that you act like you don't even like me when you're home. That you don't even tell your mom we're friends. Yeah I get it and I know it's easier that way it just sucks. It's one of those things that just gets me. Like when they first found out and you blamed of all on me like it wasn't a mutual thing.. Like you were just fooling around, and yeah I understand why you did that but that doesn't make it hurt any less. And even after that you told your mom that I just wasn't over you or somthing like that.. Why couldn't we have still been friends in their eyes. It made me seem like the bad guy... Like you don't even want to be around me. I just wish it was different but the damage is already done.
It's going to be okay =/ i'm sorry you have to go through this because of me. It's not your battle to fight, your burden to bear... Again I'm sorry.
It's cold and I'm laying here feeling so incredibly alone... I'd give everything I have... I'd break every rule... I'd endure all possible pain... To lay with you again for just a minute.. Because that minute would be worth anything the world can throw at me. I need to lay on ur arms and cry my eyes out.. To pour out my soul to you. I need more than anything and it scares me that I might not ever get it.
Fuck I did not want to cry. Im an emotional wreck right now. Maybe I'll sleep eventually. I doubt it.
I love you beautiful sweet dreams.
Please? Just let me be with her... Fill the huge hole in my heart that never stops bleeding... I need her. Please I'm begging you.. It hurts so much... I need it to stop... I need it to.
Then again I'm shit to you.. Why would you care.
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