Old facebook messages

almost as good as cutting.

Ana: I miss you too baby.

tearstearstearsheartbreakimissyouineedyouimsorryiwasntgoodenough

Yeah.

I wish all of this would just go away. Can we go back to when I felt like everything was gunna be okay. When I believed with all of my heart that you would always be there. That we would always be us and that you would love me forever. Can we go back to when cute mis-shapen hearts on my face would make my entire day. Can we go back. I miss you. I miss us. AND I NEED TO GET OVER IT.

This is bad. I'm just going to get hurt again... I know that nothing is going to happen. Or I keep trying to tell myself that. You say things like Clara said that me n you are pretty much dating, and then laugh and tell me that I'm like the sister you never had. Which convinces me that nothing will ever happen. But then you say things that make me believe the complete opposite. It's messing with my head big time and I don't know what to do about it.

And I feel even more alone because I'm back to being the only one.

If you understand what I mean.

Well that sucked.

But the rest of the weekend was pretty good.
Cute girl distraction.

It works until I have to come back to reality.

My heart breaks

For you everyday. All I want to do is be able to help... to be able to ease the pain a little, but I can't even do that anymore.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT WHAT I DESERVE. Let me be there for you... let me help you. You can't do this on your own. I know that you want to think that... and I know how hard it is for you to accept it. But people need other people.

All I want in this life hasn't changed. For you to be happy. I still love you with everything that I am and I would still give up every single one of my dreams in a heartbeat if It could help make life better for you.

Why does everything have to be so hard for you? You don't deserve any of this. WHAT THE FUCK.

Hey you

I want to have serious conversations with you more than anything... but sometimes I don't know what to talk about. It always seems like you would rather me not talk to you. I miss you. I miss your hugs. And our long talks on the phone for no reason. I miss you.

I want you to come over and just hang out with me. Can we make that happen?

Last night

I really needed last night.
Amazing music and amazing people.
And an awesomely scary movie with some more awesome people.

Best night in a while.

THIS SUCKS

I do not have any energy ever.

I hatehatehate that I can never get enough sleep.
I hatehatehate that I'm too stubborn to take something for it.
I hatehatehate that I don't have you to put me to sleep anymore.

I'm going to stop listing things before this turns in a long self loathing rant.