Honestly?

It's probably a good thing that you don't want to cross that line. If anything did happen I'd feel awful because I know that I wouldn't be able to give you what you deserve out of something like that.

I mean yeah. The distraction was nice while it lasted. Really nice. But there's no way I should be trying to do anything with anybody.

Yeah I'd kill for a meaningless makeout session just for the distraction. But that's not gunna happen anytime soon.

And relationships are out of the question for a while.

But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop flirting with you. It's so much easier to worry about what you think of me and wonder if my face is turning red rather than focus on heartache.

Sleepy time.

I miss my girlfriend

So fucking much.

And now that I know that theres zero chance of us getting back together it makes everything so much more real. You really don't want to be with me.

I always thought we'd grow old together.
I never doubted our relationship for a second. I told people to shut the fuck up when they told me how stupid I was for believing in us. For thinking that any high school relationship can last. For believing that we meant to much to each other and that our love was strong enough to outlast anything.
But I was wrong.
And now I have to deal with it. I have to figure out how the fuck I'm supposed to move on. And have conversations about me crashing on your couch because I'm too broke to have anywhere to stay instead of about how we're going to go to Canada or about you teaching me to drive a standard.

I thought we were the exception.
I believed it with all of my heart.
I didn't hold anything back. Instead I ripped my heart from my chest and gave it to you completely.
I knew that after we crossed that line back in middle school my heart would always belong to you. And now I have absolutely no idea how to put it back together again.
I need you to come pick up the pieces and put my back together.
But you can't.
I can't stop myself from smiling when you do something cute or play with my hair.
I have to constantly stop myself from calling you baby.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone else.
I want to spend it with you.

I mean it's us... we're us. We belong together.
Or I thought we did.

I grew up with you. You made me who I am today. And you're still the only person that I want to hold me when I'm sad or who I actually believe when they tell me everything's gunna be okay.

I had to change all my passwords.
I had to scratch out doodles all over that wooden board thing.
I can't even look at a fucking tent let alone draw one.

And ironically the only time that I can actually be somewhat okay is when I'm with you.
You are still you.
And you are still the one person who I'd do anything for.

"my love for you will only stop if forever ends"

Yeah... I'm really gunna miss your incredibly sweet and insanely cute writing.

I wish I was still yours.

Her

I have to force myself to not think about it. About you.
It doesn't work all that well.
My feelings for you haven't changed.
I still love you with everything that I am.
And I don't know how to stop.
I don't know how to deal with you dating anyone else. Or wanting guys.
It takes so much effort to not try and try to get you back.
But I want you to be happy. So much more than I want happiness for myself.

So I'm gunna try and distract myself.
And maybe it'l help me get over you.

But even if I do.
My love for you will never lessen. It may change from I want to spend forever with you love, to something else. But it will never lessen.

I love you.

That was so fun

I can't tell if you were flirting back with me or not. Even though I wasn't intentionally really. More like trying not to. Considering you're straight ish and all. Aha I added the ish just cause.

You're cute. Distract me?

Lesbian short

This feels wrong

[2:16:28 AM] Ana: *sigh* its crazy that you still make my heart melt when you say things like that

On so many levels.
Not being with you feels so wrong.
And empty.

I miss you.
I need you.
I love you.

Today was good

Seeing you was good.
Talking to you was good.

I can do this.

This is the best thing.

We'll make awesome friends.

Kris's hug made me smile today. It was unexpected. And really nice of him.

I can do this.
I'm okay with this.