We feel like us again

I missed this, I missed us. Everything feels right again. I love you baby.
Always&forever

-I don't even care anymore. I did care, a whole hell of a lot. But then you went and made it worse. I missed you, I stilled cared about you. But now i just don't understand how you turned into this person. This person who can't even put anything into perspective. I just don't understand, and I'm done trying. I'm done wasting my energy and thoughts on this. I'm done with it all. And I really don't like this new you. In fact I think you're super mean. And super mean to the people I care most about. So stay away from them. They don't need you hurting them too.

This week had been pretty damn fantastic.

I'm trying to post a happy blog. Not post any of those thoughts. So I'm just going to end it there.

I love you guys.
and I love my amazingly beautiful girlfriend <3

Love.

You knew we'd be there, or at least you knew I would be. I care about you too much to let you do that alone. You will never have to, I'm not going anywhere.

My rubberband seems to be working for now. Or it's taking the edge off at least. My jeans are in just the right place. They move up and down perfectly positioned, an amazing reminder.

You were super cute at carline today. All tired and happy. It made me smile, an honest smile. You make everything seem just a little bit brighter. I love you baby <3

I can't fix this, and i don't know how to handle it. I need to make it all better. Or manageable at least. I want to keep you both with me all the time. To see that you're okay. To be there to help you be okay. I need you with me all the time, to keep me okay. I can't do this alone, not again. Sitting in my room for endless hours makes it impossible to keep my mind on things other than the pushpins on my wall, or the incredible sharpness of my ninja stars... (that are now in Rachel's possession). I don't know how to make it stop. Someone please make it go away. Please... I'm begging you... I can't take it.

I want to makeout in front of you, invite you to a strip club, and talk about how I'd give anything to have some mindblowing sex with my crazy hot girlfriend.

That is all...
I love you, and you, and you <3

Thank you

Why?

Admitting.

It's been a while

This isn't going to make much sense, or be written all poetic. This is raw.

This constant hurt is draining.
I don't want to fall back into that place.
I don't want to let anyone down.
It's constant... I thought that i had been through it all
Or at least enough that i had finally climbed my way out of that deep dark hole.
You pulled me out of it... saved me from being lost in it forever.
And now I'm just toeing the edge.
Praying that you'll be there to stop me from falling in.

This is ripping me up inside.
Tearing a hole in my heart that i doubt will ever stop bleeding.
This constant ache... constant fight to keep from falling in.
When I'm with you i can relax.. trust you to keep me from falling.
You put your hand over my heart and stop the bleeding.

Lunch was pretty awful today.
I feel bad for making you feel bad Rachel.. you're the only one that understood.. well Miranda did too. But you know what I mean. I don't even know where to go with that anymore.. how to get through.. I just wanted... I just want her to maybe have an understanding of the situation... to try to understand what I feel.

I've been through hell and back and it's just getting started.
I thought I made it past the worst... I climbed out...
But it seems like I'm never going to be free of it.

This isn't about what some of you think it is.
Yeah coming out was hard. It still is. But that is the one part of me I have no problem with. It's a combination of everything.

But mostly its just about living.

Who gave you the right to judge?